Resilience After Brain Injury
Resilience After Brain Injury
In this episode, Marylayo talks with guest, Greg Ward. Greg shares his personal story of recovery following a brain haemorrhage that occurred when he was just 14 years old; and reflects on how after many years he's only now more comfortable discussing his challenges openly.
Discussion points
- (00:00:01) MaryLayo and Greg Ward on Brain Injury Recovery
- (00:08:17) Journey from Zero to Academic Achievement
- (00:17:13) Overcoming Trauma with Support and Work
- (00:19:47) Career Reflections After 50
- (00:21:44) Reflective Shifts due to COVID
- (00:23:41) Advice for Similar Challenges
- (00:28:46) Spiritual Wellness Tip
Take a moment to delve into what may be 'beyond the smile' - listen in to the conversation.
Marylayo's spiritual wellbeing tip: Meditate on the bible scripture: Joshua 1:9.
For help in dealing with mental health related matters, please seek specialist advice and support if needed.
Transcript
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::MaryLayo: Welcome to beyond the Smile with me,
MaryLayo, a podcast that discusses mental
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::health and spiritual wellbeing.
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::If you like what you hear, please do remember
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::to follow and share.
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::But before we jump in, there may be episodes
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::that are particularly sensitive for some
listeners.
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::And if that applies, then I hope you'll join
me whenever you feel ready and able.
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::In today's episode, I'm talking to guest Greg
Ward about his journey recovering from a brain
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::injury.
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::Greg's recovery started as a child, so I asked
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::him to talk through how it first began.
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::MaryLayo: Let's join in the conversation.
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::Can you, like, just talk me through what
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::happened?
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::Greg: Yeah. When I was alive in 14, so it was
Christmas or late December,:16
::brain hemorrhage.
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::It was a berry aneurysm.
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::So I can remember in terms of what it was.
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::I can remember being at school.
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::I can remember going downstairs with a friend
of mine, Lee.
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::And as I was going down towards what was
probably the second level at school, I
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::remember being completely off balance and just
starting to be sick out of nowhere.
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::And I can remember him and what I'm assuming
was a teacher sort of catching me from there.
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::And I woke up on Christmas Day in hospital
after having the brain surgery.
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::MaryLayo: Okay. Once you, I guess, woke up
from that surgery, what do you remember in
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::terms of your recovery process?
Because that's a big, major life event.
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::And then 1 minute you're at school, and then
as a teenager, you're waking up in hospital.
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::So tell me what you remember about the
recovery process from there.
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::Greg: Yeah, it was difficult because the
consequence of it, obviously was significantly
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::painful in terms of the surgery itself.
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::Obviously you've had a lot of, without being
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::gory, a lot of skull removed and elements of
brain and what have you.
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::The consequence?
The immediate consequence of that is that I'd
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::lost a lot of my eyesight, a lot of memory.
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::It caused, unfortunately, a whole decade of
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::epilepsy.
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::As a consequence of us, things were going
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::back.
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::But one of the most severe things is that I
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::struggled to speak.
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::And I just remember some of the basics of
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::getting Christmas cards, for example, or get
well cards, but not being able to read it.
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::So I realized that I didn't know how to read
or a lot of the time was even just to speak
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::was difficult.
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::I remember the recovery.
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::I could remember lying in bed in the
children's ward.
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::I could remember the surgeon, Mr. Smith, who I
then subsequently went to see with my wife a
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::few years later.
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::I really felt, I mean, he'd saved my life, so
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::there's no doubt in that is that what they
came to me is that he would come across with a
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::watch, and he would point at me at the point
at.
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::And say, can you tell me what that is?
And for a while, I couldn't say watch.
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::But once at the point when I could say watch,
he would then come and say, well, what's that?
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::And I would say, I wouldn't know then.
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::And then I had to work out whether it was the
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::strap and then a buckle.
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::And then he would say, what does the watch
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::consist of?
So I then had to think about basically the
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::numbers, the whole concentrate, be able to
think of the words.
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::So the whole thing, he was asking me to do
that in order for me to start talking.
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::So it was in the third year at school, so I
missed the next five or six months where all I
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::was doing was learning to read and write,
learning to speak, speech therapist, et
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::cetera, and going through those things in
order to just get back to some kind of
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::normality.
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::And I went to school in July, so I went to
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::July properly for about the past.
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::For the last half a dozen weeks or so in the
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::remainder of that year, just to get back to
the normality of doing that.
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::And then when I went back to school in
September, started doing GCSEs, which was.
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::So we were actually the first year to do
GCSEs.
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::I know it seems like 1000 years ago, but 1988,
and took my GCSEs and passed them two years
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::later.
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::So that kind of journey, those are the sort of
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::specifics, if you like.
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::MaryLayo: Even hearing what you were saying
and how you were describing it, and it's like
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::you went through, you had to almost start at
the very basics to what you had known and then
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::get to a point where you even resumed back at
school with the same classmates and then get
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::back into that school system.
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::That education system.
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::Greg: Yeah. And it's difficult because when
you're going to school, and I was a very
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::bright kid, so I was a very bright student.
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::And so when you're going back to school, and
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::then suddenly I can think of little things,
like, so if you're thinking about when you're
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::in class and know, the teacher would go round
the class and know, read certain pages, you
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::know what I mean?
I can remember Mr. Gorman, our history
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::teacher, then saying, all right, who's going
to read it?
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::And then the people are shouting, oh, get
Wardy Torah, get wardy to do it.
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::So then he'd say, right, ok, you read this
passage, if I can describe it to you.
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::So if I pick up what I'm sitting next to me
here.
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::So on this piece of paper here, as I look,
actually, what I can see is the letter s,
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::because everything to the right of me is I'm
blind to the right hand side.
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::So I have a technique about how I sort of
consume those words now, but I didn't when I
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::was 15, so I would go through the words really
slowly, as well as the fact that I also
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::wouldn't recognize some of them.
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::So I used to say a lot of spoonerism, so words
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::where I would assume this is what the word.
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::And I would just say the wrong words.
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::And because it wasn't in a coordinated
sentence, all sorts of different words would
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::be coming out to the hilarity of the class.
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::And despite that, I had very close friends,
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::you know what I mean?
But it's the way.
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::It's almost a tough love, if you like, about
how to do it.
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::But the reality is, and this sounds od.
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::But I realized at the very early stage that I
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::was just lucky to be alive, really.
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::So you've just got to be somewhat
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::philosophical about it to say you're going to
take some stick here.
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::But, yes, I'd much rather reading something
out in school incorrectly than actually having
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::an epileptic fit.
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::So it's a lesser of two evils.
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::So, yeah, school was all right, but at 16, I
left that school and went to a technical
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::college for two reasons, because I didn't know
anybody at a technical college, and that was
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::better.
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::So they didn't know.
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::And it was the first experience that I had
where I didn't want people to know that past
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::history.
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::So I wanted to go there and I wanted to do.
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::And I needed to do a course which was
relevant.
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::I couldn't do the a levels because reading was
difficult.
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::So I did a BTEC course and then passed it with
seven distinctions as student of the year.
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::So that was where.
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::That was it.
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::And from then on in, everything has been about
being the best of first of.
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::You know what I mean?
It's all that.
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::I'm competitive by nature, but it drives me to
do and exceed because I don't know, you have
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::that feeling.
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::I don't want people to think about things with
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::either a sympathetic eye or.
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::Well, I just want just to exceed expectation,
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::exceed my own expectation.
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::MaryLayo: I mean, you've said a lot there,
even the fact that you were at a place at some
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::point where you couldn't read, you couldn't
speak.
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::And then it sounds like to me, in a very short
period of time, you were able to sit exams.
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::You're in a classroom with your peers.
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::It's not like you took time out.
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::So I'm even baffled how you managed to get
through that.
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::And then you try to reset things by going to a
technical college.
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::But it sounds like you were able to almost
like hide that background and move in a way
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::that you actually exceeded general
expectations.
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::Like to come up with, what, seven
distinctions.
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::That sounds amazing.
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::So I guess I'm trying to think of how in a
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::short period of time, I know you mentioned
about you avoided doing the A levels because
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::of the reading, but how in a short period of
time you got from A to Z. Yeah.
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::Greg: Well, there are some factors.
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::In fairness, I also took an a level.
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::I did an a level at night school.
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::I did politics at night school, as well as
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::the.
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::MaryLayo: While you were doing the Btech.
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::Greg: Yeah.
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::MaryLayo: Okay.
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::Greg: One of the things, yeah, I'm quite self
driven.
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::I mean, there are circumstances,
unfortunately, I also lost my father at 17 as
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::well.
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::He passed away, unfortunately, when he was
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::only 41.
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::And those things that also made me very driven
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::in a circumstance that if you tried to put it
in the thoughts of my mother, who had the
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::difficulty of what had happened to me, and
then obviously then losing her husband as
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::well.
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::And so you're then in a situation where there
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::was myself, my younger sister and my mom.
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::So you're kind of very driven to be successful
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::or to just do things to a higher level.
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::I don't know.
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::It's a kind of feeling that time is very
precious and therefore you want to.
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::Even now I can't sort of say almost like, sit
still.
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::I have to do something.
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::I have to create something or write or paint
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::or whatever it is just stuff.
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::And that's like that.
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::So I felt like it's hard to say now about
where I am and where I was then.
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::Perhaps it's a reality of thinking that what I
wanted to do when I was young was just to be a
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::cricketer and that was removed because of loss
of eyesight.
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::And yet I then still, I just started playing
again when I was 18 because I just thought,
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::why not?
I couldn't think of reasons that you should be
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::denied to do things rather than feel sorry for
myself and think, well, that's just bad.
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::Actually, everybody has to deal with different
things at different points.
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::So actually there isn't an excuse not to try
and be excellent.
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::That's just a motivation, I guess.
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::MaryLayo: Yeah. And to me it sounds like it's
a very unusual motivation, if I'm being
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::honest, Greg, because when you're talking
about how your classmates, they'll be like,
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::I'll get wardy to read this and that to their
amusement.
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::That would know.
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::To the general Joe blogs that would knock them
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::know.
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::Greg: What you'd also have to remember is that
these are children whose friend has gone
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::through a traumatic piece.
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::Whilst I was in hospital at school, they had
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::masses for me.
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::I went to a catholic school, so we had masses
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::and these kids had the upset that they
suffered, so they're entitled to take their
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::bit back.
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::It's just fun.
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::If I asked them to stop, then they would stop.
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::So it's like, you just need to be slightly
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::reflective that people have gone through quite
a very difficult and unusual thing where they
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::committed their faith into me getting better.
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::And I did.
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::I don't begrudge on that.
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::I just remember it because it makes you feel
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::very awkward.
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::MaryLayo: Yeah, sure.
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::And I guess the reason why I was teasing it
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::out is because it's almost like.
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::I don't know, I'm getting the sense that
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::things aren't sticking to you, basically,
whether you get a knockback because you can't
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::do cricket, which is something you loved, but
it didn't hold you back and you learned that
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::very early.
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::So I'm getting the sense that even though
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::there's an environment that for many people,
it would cause them to withdraw or to be
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::negatively impacted, you didn't allow that to
restrict you.
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::You didn't allow that to limit you or hold you
back or affect you mentally, psychologically.
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::And you've managed to pave a way forward quite
naturally.
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::Greg: Well, there's an element of denial, I
think, in what it is, is that what you're sort
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::of doing is almost.
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::Or what I did was to try and do it as if
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::that's in the past.
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::That's gone.
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::It's not an epiphany.
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::But I went to lords with the handicapped
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::children's pilgrimage trust, I think, when I
was 16.
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::And I didn't want to go in the first place.
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::I didn't want to go.
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::I was offered a chance to go and I just
didn't.
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::That wasn't the same people that I was with.
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::And I went and they realized, obviously,
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::actually, I was just a 16 year old lad who was
not in a particularly difficult way.
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::What I experienced was, is that I sat and met
with a dozen similar aged people, youngsters
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::with various different disabilities, some of
which with terminal illnesses.
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::And it just made me realize how fortunate I
was.
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::And in actual fact, the experience itself was
really positive.
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::It was really lovely.
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::I remember the three boys, all in wheelchairs.
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::I said, well, are we going to play football,
then?
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::And so what we did is we got a balloon.
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::One of the guys just stayed in his wheelchair,
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::and the other two, and we had a where you.
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::Where you just.
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::All you could do was header it to try and
score and what have you between the two of us.
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::And it was really nice.
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::It was a really nice thing doing that.
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::When I came home, I stepped out of that, out
of that environment and then backed into a
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::normal environment and was never sort of
tempted to or felt like I wanted to do
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::anything more there.
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::What I felt was that I'd really valued from
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::that experience and appreciated that.
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::Actually, I'm in a much greater position than
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::other people.
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::So I'm not going to say that was a defining,
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::motivating piece, but actually it did give me
an appreciation of something different when I
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::was 16.
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::And then, as I mentioned about my father,
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::again, it's a thing where after having that
surgery and you see those experiences, you
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::just grow up very quickly.
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::And then it's just a question of saying, well,
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::okay, well, you're going to have to do
something about it.
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::The denial bit, SARs are saying, is that
actually I'm presenting out a piece of saying,
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::actually, I don't have any sort of issues or
problems or challenges or what have you, but
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::that's just not true.
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::And I made a number of assumptions that in
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::terms of where my career was going to go was
based on the fact that actually nobody was
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::going to feel sympathy for me.
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::No employer was going to recognize the fact
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::that actually, he's a really intelligent guy.
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::We'll just take him on.
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::I just didn't even think the world existed
like that.
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::That doesn't mean I'm convinced that it does
now, but I'm just saying that I felt like,
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::right, I'm going to have to go into a job
where I'm not reading, so I'm going to have to
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::do something where I'm just articulate.
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::Well, a natural thing to do that is in sales.
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::So I sort of fell into a career that I'm very
good at, but that was, I don't know quite
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::which way to turn it around is to say, well,
whether it's made me to be good at something
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::or whether I've forced myself to be good at
something a little similar to doing my exams,
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::just to make sure that that's the area I have
to work in, so therefore I have to be really
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::good at it.
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::So it's an interesting thing and it's only
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::when I'm mature, mature, when I am more
mature, more mature, that I can begin to
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::reflect and saying, actually, there are people
who are there to support and help and what
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::have you, and then you think differently and
therefore I can make an advantage of that
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::later in life.
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::MaryLayo: So I guess you are an extraordinary
case, Greg, because I'm struggling with how to
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::get out.
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::Like, okay, so you went through this and this
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::and you struggled with this, but then you
managed to overcome this.
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::And I'm not getting that.
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::And it's not a bad thing.
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::It's just a unique thing to me.
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::And I'm not saying, oh, Greg, you're my hero.
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::But I think it is really extraordinary in
terms of how you think, and I think it's
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::innate within you, almost like natural.
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::And I think you just matured very quickly and
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::you almost didn't look back and allow yourself
to be wallowed in those past.
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::What many would say is a traumatic event.
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::Greg: Yeah, all I would say is that people
sort of are impacted by things differently.
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::And what I think you're trying to draw on is
to say, well, where were the things that
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::really were difficult and what was the sea
change in your experience?
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::I know the moment where that takes place
because it's actually the point at which I
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::realized that actually there were people who
were sympathetic and there were people in
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::that.
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::And actually through support, through social
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::services, I actually realized you can get
loads of help and you can do that.
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::And that was a point where I was helpful to
go.
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::It's not a know to say, actually, I need
assistance in terms of travel and got really
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::great help from the DWP through access to
work.
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::It's not a weakness to say, actually, my
reading is a lot slower than somebody else's
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::because that's the reality.
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::But then I realize you can get audio pieces
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::that help you through work and what have you.
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::Funny enough, it's only really since where I'm
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::working now over the past three years, where I
feel much more comfortable to say that and
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::express that.
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::And I feel that as an employer, that would
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::say, well, let's help with that, let's
accommodate that.
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::And it is really refreshing that I can feel
comfortable in that situation.
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::And therefore I can sort of challenge that
question of saying, well, as a disabled
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::person, would I recognize myself in that?
I would have to say that in order to drive
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::myself forward for 20 od years, I would never
say that.
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::I wouldn't recognize that at all.
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::Whereas actually that is a reality.
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::It has actually shaped the way in which I am,
and therefore it'd be something that I should
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::be really comfortable in having in the
conversation, I guess.
324
::MaryLayo: So you alluded to how it's only more
recently, like the last few years, that you've
325
::become more comfortable in terms of maybe
sharing or disclosing, I guess, limitations.
326
::So what do you think are the factors?
Is it because of the culture?
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::What do you think has helped to facilitate
that?
328
::Greg: If anything, COVID, I think, is one of
the big impacts.
329
::So COVID is one of those things where actually
you had time to reflect.
330
::You are looking for an employer that actually
delivers and illustrates real care.
331
::And perhaps for a very long time, I wasn't
that interested in that at all, and it wasn't
332
::necessary or it wasn't a priority.
333
::But particularly as you're past 50, you kind
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::of begin to think about your career slightly
differently and the value of the businesses.
335
::So you're then thinking, well, I'd rather work
for an organization where I think where the
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::way it operates or the way we think about
people is a priority.
337
::I mean, my whole career is in sales, so it's
all about the numbers that you're generating,
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::et cetera.
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::But that isn't it.
340
::It's more about the way we interact with
people, et cetera.
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::And we can all sort of sit and take and be
critical of who our employers.
342
::I get that, but that makes me feel different.
343
::I know that the business has made a
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::significant effort in terms of EDI and whether
it's success or otherwise, is that at least I
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::don't really feel like it's a token gesture.
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::I think it's trying something, and therefore
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::that's allowed me to just perhaps just relax a
little and be a little bit more reflective.
348
::MaryLayo: So when you mentioned about how
COVID, I guess, helped to make you more
349
::reflective in terms of the kind of
organization where you wanted to be, would you
350
::say that?
And you did mention this about EDi.
351
::Do you think how, because there's a lot more
of a spotlight when it comes to equality,
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::diversity and inclusion, do you think that
that may have played a part in the fact that
353
::you can now start getting your mind to look in
that direction when it comes to organizations,
354
::for example, being more inclusive, diverse and
open to it allows me.
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::Greg: To ask a lot more questions of myself as
well as others in terms of thinking about what
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::that business is in what it's talking about
and where COVID helps in the sense that
357
::actually you spend a long time with family,
which is the really important thing to me.
358
::And then you begin to think, well, who are we?
As people?
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::Who are we?
And as you're then going back into employment,
360
::that you're thinking, what is it that really
matters?
361
::And therefore, when you're looking at that
externally, you can also then think internally
362
::about, well, what does that mean in terms of
who I work with, how I treat people, how I
363
::talk to people, to try and understand and
think about people emotionally.
364
::It's become a much, much more important point.
365
::And therefore, expressing to people who I am,
366
::what my background is, or where I've come
from.
367
::And those things are the challenges is that
you can then empathize, you know what I mean?
368
::You can begin to understand about other
people's issues because you're reflecting it
369
::in your own, and therefore, not to hide that,
but actually, I think it gives people an
370
::element of comfort in thinking, actually, this
guy's just telling me exactly what he's like.
371
::You can't read this stuff quickly.
372
::So it's like all.
373
::Whatever it is, those just different aspects.
374
::MaryLayo: If there is someone who, let's just
say they're going through something that's a
375
::similar challenge, and I acknowledge that
everyone's different, but what would you say
376
::that has helped you to them?
377
::Greg: My answer to that, really, is to reflect
on things which have been very unfortunate,
378
::which I can at least reflect on, whether it's
loss of family and things like that, et
379
::cetera.
380
::It is very difficult to look at that in a
381
::positive.
382
::But what I would genuinely say is that you
383
::don't realize that actually, on a day by day
basis, you are redirected into different
384
::experiences which are positive.
385
::I'd never spoken to you, I don't think, Mary,
386
::before being at work, we've happened to have a
conversation because you were doing this,
387
::because I saw you were doing it on LinkedIn
and what have you, and then just by doing
388
::this, you know what I mean?
I never thought I would ever even have.
389
::I've never had this conversation with
somebody.
390
::And to do that, I think, is a good thing.
391
::It's cathartic.
392
::So where the opportunity for people to talk or
speak or what have you is that it is really
393
::difficult to think about.
394
::I look at sports people, for example, who
395
::might come to the end of their career and then
think, what do I do now?
396
::You've got people who are multimillionaires,
but they just don't know what to do with
397
::themselves.
398
::And it's really hard about thinking.
399
::It's just a new journey that you're taking.
400
::And I know there are cliches.
401
::It's shut one door and open another and it's a
new chapter and all that thing.
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::But that is actually, it's real.
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::I think about all different things where just
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::as you get an older and then somebody said,
oh, well, you need to reduce your cholesterol,
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::et cetera.
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::Okay, so if that's the case, then, well, I'll
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::go on a walk every day.
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::So actually you now have a different
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::experience about what you're doing and you get
different visibility of what's around you and
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::what have you.
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::So there isn't a way of saying something
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::simple to say, oh, well, it'll be fine.
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::No, that's not it.
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::It'll be the same.
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::But what you want to do is, what does it mean
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::from a different experience if I give you a
practical and funny, well, just experience.
417
::I've never read a book, right.
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::So I've never read a book that enjoyed it.
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::I've read Lord of the Rings mind and that took
about a year to read it.
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::But you had joined Giorg to get through.
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::I don't sit and read because it's not a good
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::experience.
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::I don't do it.
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::So I challenged myself to do two things.
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::One was to write a book, because I thought,
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::well, if that's the case, then I'll write one.
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::So I wrote a novel and I was so pleased that I
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::did it, I took it to a local library.
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::And so they said, right, we'll have a local
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::author in to do this.
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::So I took my book, Lexium nine Sci-Fi book.
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::I got copies, I got it all printed and what
have you.
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::It's on Amazon and all of those things.
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::I gave it to people to read.
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::It's self published, so I'd give it to the.
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::So anyway, I went to the library, I sat there,
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::there were 17 people sitting around, they'd
all read the book and they started going
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::round, round the room, universally, every
single individual hated it, right?
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::Really thought it was terrible.
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::And then a guy right at the top said to us, I
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::said, I've read it twice.
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::And I said, oh, that's great.
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::He said, because I didn't understand it first
time, and I now really don't understand it.
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::And I went away from that really quite
pleased, because I thought, well, 17 people
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::have read it, so at least I know that that's.
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::That experience was a good experience.
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::And then out of nowhere I found audiobooks and
I've consumed them from umpteen, different
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::authors and stuff like that.
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::And reading and listening to everything and
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::listening to everything every day and stuff
like that.
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::All I would say is that for 35 years I
thought, well, I don't want to get a book.
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::I'm not interested in that particular author
or what have you.
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::Actually, these things just take you into a
different path.
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::And it might be just because I just always see
things from a glass half full that things are
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::always positive, and that's that.
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::That might not be helpful for some, but from a
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::practical point of view, I'll just say one
thing is ask.
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::It surprised me when I investigated in terms
of things like access to work, people helping
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::to get to and from work and things like that.
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::I didn't know that they existed.
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::Just ask.
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::You'll be surprised about what support there
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::is there.
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::And finally, I would say, talk to other people
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::because you're surprised is when other people
begin to tell you their story, you realize
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::that neither you're not alone.
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::And also that actually gives you a greater
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::position to be appreciative of other people.
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::Actually, you're in a pretty good spot.
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::And you might not know it, but actually you're
all right.
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::MaryLayo: Thanks so much for coming along and
sharing and giving me your time.
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::Greg: Yeah, you're very welcome.
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::MaryLayo: Here's a spiritual wellness tip for
you.
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::It's Joshua, chapter one, verse nine.
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::And it reads, this is my command.
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::Be strong and courageous.
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::Do not be afraid or discouraged.
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::For the Lord your God is with you wherever you
go.
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::MaryLayo: Thanks for listening.
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::Do follow and join me again next time on
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::beyond the smile with MaryLayo.
