Episode 4

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Published on:

13th Jun 2023

Not now...Later!

Procrastinating

In today's episode of MaryLayo Talks, I’m with guest, Edward Hagan who shares about his journey with procrastination and overcoming the challenges.

The conversation and questions include:

  • How would you describe procrastination?
  • When did you realise procrastination was a problem?
  • How did procrastination affect your wellbeing?
  • Procrastinating as a child.
  • Procrastinating as a student at university.
  • Procrastinating at work.
  • People pleasing, perfectionism and building confidence.
  • What helped you to change and stop procrastinating?
  • Tips on how to stop procrastinating.
  • How faith and relationship with God played a role in overcoming procrastination.
  • Bible verses for procrastination to support spiritual wellbeing.

Take a moment. Delve into what may be 'beyond the smile' and listen in to the conversation.

MaryLayo's spiritual wellbeing tip: Meditate on the bible scriptures Proverbs 23:7 and Philippians 4:6-7.

Related resources: Check out podcast Episode 10: Still Procrastinating?

Connect with MaryLayo:

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For help in dealing with mental health related matters, please seek specialist advice and support if needed.

Transcript

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Marylayo:

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Marylayo: Welcome to Marylayo Talks, a

podcast that discusses mental health and

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spiritual.

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Wellbeing, before we jump in, there may be

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episodes that are particularly sensitive for

some listeners and if that applies, then I

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hope you'll be able to join me whenever you

feel ready and able.

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Marylayo: You today's episode is with guest

Edward Hagan.

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Edward describes his experience with

Procrastination, which is our topic today, and

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explains how marriage played a part in his

turnaround from procrastinating.

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Marylayo: Let's go and check to him.

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Edward: Well, for me, procrastination, the

biggest example that I had of when I really

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struggled with it was when I was at university

and maybe I'd had to write an essay and I'd

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sit in the library for about an hour not

starting the essay.

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And I think procrastination is you have to do

something.

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You've got a timeline to do it, but you don't

want to be restricted by that timeline.

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You don't want to be controlled by set of

circumstances.

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You want to control it yourself.

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And if it's something that's natural and good

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and enjoyable, then you won't procrastinate,

you'll just go and do it.

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But if it's something that seems to be a task,

like making a phone call to the bank or to

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HMRC, then that is more easy to procrastinate.

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So I would describe procrastination as delayed

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response to something urgent or important.

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Marylayo: And I guess the difference from what

you've said is the fact that you don't want to

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do it for a particular reason because maybe

it's stressful or overwhelming or difficult

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and that's why you're avoiding doing it.

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Edward: Yes, that's very good, Mary. Because

that kind of leads me on to really why maybe

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some people procrastinate is that we're

concerned about the outcome of a task and our

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ability to do the task in the way someone else

or society thinks it should be done, which is

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a little bit deep.

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Marylayo: I would probably even add how not

even just someone else, but even yourself, for

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example.

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I may procrastinate because of what I think

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needs to be done.

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And what I think needs to be done is really

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huge or difficult and that's why I'm not doing

it could be self imposed as well as our

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perception of, like you said, of what other

people you mentioned about university and that

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5000 word assignments.

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I've heard that or I know that there's quite a

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lot of students actually that struggle with

procrastination.

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I guess that's a significant memory.

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Do you remember even procrastinating before

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then?

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Edward: Yeah, absolutely.

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So I think really I remembered it having that

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kind of procrastination nature at times when I

was about six.

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I can't say specific incident or issue, but I

just with things that I didn't like to do or

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didn't want to do, I tried to delay them.

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If like as a six year old I used to play the

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piano and then I gave it up for football.

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But if someone said, come play football then I

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won't procrastinate about that.

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But maybe if my mom said, go and practice

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playing a piano, I'd probably procrastinate

about that, which is really silly because I'm

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probably more talented at piano playing than

football.

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But even though I was a good.

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Marylayo: Footballer firstly, I think it's

common, especially around that age when you're

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a child and it seems to be associated with a

chore.

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But then actually something that you said

about being talented or having even a strength

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for playing the piano compared to football,

yet you wanted to play football rather than

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practice.

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I don't know, there's just something in there.

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Edward: Yeah, definitely there is.

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I mean, looking back as a much more elderly

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person now than a six year old, I'd love to be

able to sit down and play the piano.

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I can go and play football now if I wanted to,

for fun.

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So sometimes I think procrastination is born

in the mind, and it's a mindset that thinks

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that something is going to be difficult or

wearisome or put a demand on you that you

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don't particularly want to give.

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So, for example, I'm really good at writing.

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I can write poetry.

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I'm not being overconfident when I say this,

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but I could probably write a novel.

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I was a journalist, a motoring journalist for

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a national ethnic minority newspaper.

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And I struggled with procrastination there.

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And that was maybe five years after leaving

university because I'd have to do a daily

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report to a deadline.

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And so whilst I enjoyed driving the cars,

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experience the cars, knowing what the

strengths and weaknesses of a car is, I didn't

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like to sit down and have to write a copy on

the car.

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So that whole process was very frustrating to

me to do that aspect of the work.

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Marylayo: And even though writing was a

strength, because maybe it's associated with a

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task and plus, I guess the pressure of having

a timeline clouded.

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Edward: Yeah, absolutely.

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And then also, the editor of the newspaper, he

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was a tough guy, he was a no nonsense guy.

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And so whilst I got to drive some really nice

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cars, I had to make sure that the

manufacturers that I got the cars from had a

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good truthful review first and foremost.

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But they had a well constructed report on the

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car.

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It was that aspect that demand the timeline

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was the most likely thing to cause

procrastination.

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So I think also procrastination has to do with

confidence.

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So when you talk about students struggling

with procrastination, about doing reports or

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essays, I think it's because there's an

outcome to it.

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And the fear or the concern about the outcome

makes it very, very difficult for them to

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begin the process.

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And so with procrastination, it's the

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beginning that is the most difficult part.

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So once you actually begin the task or make

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the phone call, that kind of feeling

dissipates.

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I mentor a couple of students.

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I just told them that once you do the

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beginning, the middle becomes a little bit

more straightforward.

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Once you've done the middle, the ending, you

get a sense of how you want to end then.

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So procrastination is something that really

affects the mind more than anything, and then

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the mind then determines the action.

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Marylayo: So how did you come to actually

realize that this was an issue, but it was a

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habit in terms of how to deal with?

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Edward: Yeah. I realized at university,

because it was nonsensical in many ways, that,

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you know, you have to do an essay and you

spend an hour sitting at a table avoiding

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doing something that you know you have to do.

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So I went through that process, and so it was

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quite demanding because I had to read a lot

because I did studied literature and

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psychology humanities at university, and so I

had to read a lot and I had to write a lot.

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I think what saved me, to be honest, at

university, was that I played high level

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tennis.

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And that kind of release from tennis, doing

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something fun, enjoyable, whilst at

university, probably stimulated me more to be

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able to deal with the demands of writing, et

cetera.

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When did I realize I realized it was a

problem.

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It's not normal to sit at a table and wait an

hour to write something.

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It's a horrible feeling.

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Yeah.

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Marylayo: And besides it being a horrible

feeling at the time, how did it impact you in

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terms of your well being?

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Edward: You know what, Mary?

Honestly, two examples being at university and

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doing the journalism.

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I don't think it really affected me outside of

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the moment.

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So I didn't carry that feeling into other

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aspects of my life.

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I didn't feel, oh, you've got a problem.

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It was just something that I had to deal with

and work through.

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And so I don't consciously feel that it

affected me outside of that moment.

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Yeah.

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Marylayo: So from the sounds of it, your

difficulty was getting started, which is

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typical of someone who procrastinate, but once

you got started, you delivered what you needed

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to do.

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Edward: I wouldn't say the procrastination was

at such a level that it affected my mental

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well being.

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Consciously, I can't remember that or feel

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that.

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But I do know now, as we're talking about it,

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I think people have different pressure vowels

to deal with that kind of pressure.

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Marylayo: Yeah. Like when I struggled,

particularly in the past, back in actually, it

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was something that hovered like a cloud.

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So even though I enjoyed the friendships and

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the fun and all that kind of jazz, I do

remember that when it came to the studying

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part, I had those dark because I struggled to

get going with reviving doing those

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assignments, which is probably students, but

it was a particular issue for me.

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Edward: It's funny you should say that, Mary.

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So I've got a brain almost like photographic

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memory, and I also have very deep memories.

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Marylayo: You mentioned about procrastinating

in a sense when you were a child through uni

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and even when you were working as a journalist

how did you manage to get through it and

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overcome that feeling of that inertia that

initiative?

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Edward: How I do it today generally is that

I'm very instinctive person now rather than

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analytical person.

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So I'd rather make a choice to do something

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and get it wrong or come across wrong than not

do it.

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And I think that's one of the main things that

affect procrastination.

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I think you need to be reactive and

instinctive rather than analytical.

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I think a lot of analytical people are

procrastinators because they think of so many

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different outcomes to things.

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So now, good or bad, I'm very instinctive.

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I make disease.

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So if I want to buy a bar chocolate, I'll buy

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a bar chocolate.

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I won't think, oh, if I eat these there's

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going to be so much calories and I don't

overthink.

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I've reached a stage in life where I know who

I am and what I'm about and also the other

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side of it I don't worry.

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I used to worry so much.

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Maybe as a child I had a lot of

responsibility.

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My parents split up when we were very young,

and my mother brought up six children by

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herself.

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I was one of the middle children.

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So I think that there was a lot of kind of

burden responsibility as well.

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And so maybe I grew up a bit older than I

should have done in terms of my age and so

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tended to want to maybe want to please people,

do the right thing, rather than do what I

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actually wanted to do.

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So I'm not like that anymore in the sense that

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I don't really care too much what people think

about me.

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I know that might sound arrogant, but I really

do believe that's really important.

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I think it's important to be responsible and

to live a good life and to be kind and loving

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and sensitive to people.

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But I just tend not to worry too much about

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stuff anymore.

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Marylayo: You know, what you've mentioned

keywords that I think are all tangled within

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this whole characteristics when it comes to

procrastination, whether it comes to people

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pleasing and all perfectionism and all that

kind of stuff.

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So did you change over time naturally or was

it intentional?

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Did you one day or in a season think, you know

what, I'm going to stop doing this because

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it's not helping me and it hasn't served me

well in the past and up till now so why should

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I continue doing that?

Was it?

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Edward: I think it was a bit of both Mary and

now that I haven't really thought about this

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too much.

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As I say, I'm instinctive.

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So I think meeting my wife, getting married,

gave me a lot of confidence and allowed me to

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be more instinctive about life.

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We all wanted a sense of belonging as human

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beings.

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And I suppose that security of meeting someone

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that you wanted to build a life with gave me

that kind of confidence.

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Not to be so analytical, to be more of a go

getter, more of a focused person.

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So for example, a year after getting married,

I decided that I wanted to be a racing driver.

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So I pursued racing for about five years,

doing the journalism as well and TV presenting

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as well for source of income.

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But I think that's when I really kind of

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changed quite a bit in terms of

procrastination, getting married gave me

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greater degree of confidence and focus on what

I really wanted to achieve.

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So it was a conscious thing, but it was also a

life stage then as well.

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Yeah.

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Marylayo: So you mentioned about not worrying

so much, not looking to please people.

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What tips or advice would you give to someone

who's struggling with procrastination now?

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Because like, what you've said makes sense,

but it's not so easy, just no, of course not.

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So what kind of tips or advice would you give

to someone who's struggling with

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procrastination?

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Edward: I know it sounds very bland and tripe,

but I think 90% of the things people fear

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never happen and yeah, if not more than 90%.

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And so I just think that I had a conversation

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with my wife the other day and I just said

that I refuse to be fearful about stuff

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anymore.

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But I'm a Christian, I get a lot of strength

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from my faith and relationship with God and

praying and worshiping and talking.

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And so that gives me a sense of peace,

confidence and calm in life.

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I know that not everyone will like the way I

am or the way I do things, but I really feel

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that the most important thing is to be at

peace with God.

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If he gives me the freedom to make decisions

and choices, then I feel cool with that and so

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I think that everyone will find their own way

to deal with it.

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But one thing I'll say is that don't be afraid

of making mistakes, don't be afraid of not

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getting it perfect.

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I used to be a bit of a perfectionist in

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different ways.

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I'm more relaxed now.

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I realize through life and through experiences

that only God is perfect.

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We can strive for excellence, but to strive

for perfection as fallen human beings is a bit

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nonsensical.

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Excellence is a high goal to aim for and

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perfection to a degree is a good goal to aim

for because we never reach it.

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Who's a perfect mate or husband or wife or

brother or sister?

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It's very rare, doesn't exist, does it?

So I think that practically make practical

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steps to do things that you don't like and not

engage in the feeling that it brings you have

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in your armory mentally to just not get into

negative feelings about yourself, about the

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process or the situation you're in.

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I think it's attitude of mind and it's not

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easy, easily done it can be done 100%.

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It can be done exactly.

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Marylayo: Well, Edward, I want to really thank

you for sharing and giving us insight and

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practical advice, really, when it comes to

procrastination.

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Thanks for joining us on Mary Liar Talks.

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Hope to see you soon.

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Edward: Thank you.

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Marylayo: A couple of pieces of advice that

Edward shared was to do with attitude and a

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mindset of not worrying.

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So here's a spiritual wellness tip that you

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can meditate on.

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One of them is Proverbs, chapter 23, verse

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seven, which reads as a man thinks in his

heart, so is he.

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And the other is Philippians, chapter four,

verses six to seven, and it reads.

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Marylayo: Don'T worry about anything.

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Instead, pray about everything.

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Tell God what you need and thank.

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Marylayo: Him for all he has done.

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Then you will experience God's peace, which

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exceeds anything we can understand.

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His peace will guard your hearts and minds as

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you live in Christ Jesus.

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Edward: You.

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Marylayo: Thank you for listening.

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Do follow and join me again next time on Mary

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Layo Talks beyond the Smile our.

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About the Podcast

Beyond the Smile
with MaryLayo
Beyond the Smile - with MaryLayo is about issues and life events that negatively affect our mental health and spiritual wellbeing (biblical perspective). Various topics will be discussed, alongside guests, to help listeners understand more about their challenges and learn how they can live a more free and radiant life.

About your host

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MaryLayo Talks

MaryLayo is a podcaster, with a strong interest in mental wellbeing, social justice and issues which affect the lives of vulnerable individuals and communities. She has extensive experience in research programme management, and like research, sees her podcast as a way – through the help of guests, to find out relevant, useful information to share, inform and help others (but with the fun-factor thrown in).

MaryLayo is keen for the messages of her Christian faith to be relatable to the everyday person and volunteers for several charities. Her hobbies include voice-overs, singing and travelling.