Recovering from Stroke: Angie's Story

MaryLayo: 00:00:01

Welcome to beyond the smile with me, Mary Lyle, a podcast that discusses mental

MaryLayo: 00:00:06

health and spiritual wellbeing.

MaryLayo: 00:00:09

If you like what you hear, please do remember

MaryLayo: 00:00:12

to follow and share.

MaryLayo: 00:00:13

But before we jump in, there may be episodes

MaryLayo: 00:00:16

that are particularly sensitive for some listeners.

MaryLayo: 00:00:19

And if that applies, then I hope you'll join me whenever you feel ready and able.

MaryLayo: 00:00:27

In today's episode, I'm talking to guest Angie Reid about her recovery from two strokes.

MaryLayo: 00:00:35

Angie shares about her battle with anxiety and depression and the impact on her family and

MaryLayo: 00:00:41

career while on her journey to recovery.

MaryLayo: 00:00:44

I first asked Angie if she knew what caused

MaryLayo: 00:00:47

her strokes and how long ago this happened.

MaryLayo: 00:00:51

Let's join in the conversation.

Angie: 00:00:53

The first one was the big one, and that was in 2017.

Angie: 00:00:56

It's coming up on the seven year anniversary of that one.

Angie: 00:00:59

And then I had a smaller one about eight months after that.

Angie: 00:01:03

They think birth control pills was a major contributor to my strokes, as well as being a

Angie: 00:01:10

migraine sufferer.

Angie: 00:01:11

So just a few things to watch out for.

Angie: 00:01:14

Women are always at a higher risk for stroke, period, and then any kind of hormone

Angie: 00:01:19

treatment.

Angie: 00:01:20

And I have migraines with auras, which means I

Angie: 00:01:22

have a telltale sign that I'm getting a migraine about 30 minutes before I get a blind

Angie: 00:01:28

spot in one of my eyes.

Angie: 00:01:30

And that means I have a migraine with aura.

Angie: 00:01:32

I've learned this since my strokes.

Angie: 00:01:34

If your migraine sufferer with aura and you're

Angie: 00:01:36

on birth control or, and you smoke and you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol,

Angie: 00:01:41

your.

Angie: 00:01:41

Your risk goes up.

Angie: 00:01:43

My cholesterol and my blood pressure has always been fine.

Angie: 00:01:46

I've been a very, very healthy person my whole life.

Angie: 00:01:48

So having a stroke was completely out of the blue and just unexpected.

Angie: 00:01:53

I was 46.

MaryLayo: 00:01:54

So you mentioned about the migraine or symptom, the sign that you have from time

MaryLayo: 00:02:02

to time.

MaryLayo: 00:02:02

So on the day that you had that big stroke,

MaryLayo: 00:02:05

what exactly were the symptoms that you experienced?

Angie: 00:02:09

So the weekend before, I was suffering from probably the worst migraine I've ever had

Angie: 00:02:14

in my life because it lasted two days.

Angie: 00:02:16

And on day two, my blind spot got, like three

Angie: 00:02:19

times as big as it had ever been.

Angie: 00:02:22

And I just.

Angie: 00:02:22

I couldn't knock out the migraine with normal ibuprofen, which is usually what I would take.

Angie: 00:02:27

And I ended up having to go to the ER and get, like, a migraine cocktail IV to help, and that

Angie: 00:02:34

knocked it down.

Angie: 00:02:35

Monday, I went to work with just a standard

Angie: 00:02:38

headache, and I was fine by the end of the day.

Angie: 00:02:40

Monday.

Angie: 00:02:41

Tuesday morning, I woke up in the middle of

Angie: 00:02:44

having a stroke.

Angie: 00:02:45

I was paralysed on the left side of my body,

Angie: 00:02:48

so and so it was definitely completely out of the blue.

Angie: 00:02:51

And then the Tuesday morning that I did have the stroke, I woke up unable to move anything

Angie: 00:02:56

on the left side of my body.

Angie: 00:02:58

Ended up getting to the hospital, having a ct

Angie: 00:03:00

scan there, and it showed two clots, one in my neck and one in my brain.

Angie: 00:03:05

And it was obviously, you know, depriving part of my brain of oxygen, and I ended up having

Angie: 00:03:11

clot removal surgery to get the clots out of my brain.

Angie: 00:03:15

So I was very, very lucky that I got immediate surgery and was able to have that oxygen flow

Angie: 00:03:22

back into my brain so quickly, because most people are not so lucky.

Angie: 00:03:26

Most people wait a little while before they get help.

Angie: 00:03:29

Luckily, my husband noticed the symptoms immediately and called 911 without hesitating.

Angie: 00:03:34

And he even said, I think you're having a stroke.

Angie: 00:03:36

And I said, no, I can't be having a stroke.

Angie: 00:03:38

I'm sure I'm still just half asleep because it

Angie: 00:03:40

was as I was waking up and he didn't listen to me.

Angie: 00:03:43

Thank God, because every second counts when it comes to stroke and brain, because every

Angie: 00:03:50

second lost is brain loss.

Angie: 00:03:52

And you don't get those cells back, they don't

Angie: 00:03:55

grow back.

MaryLayo: 00:03:56

So then, basically, what did your recovery then, after that surgery, what did

MaryLayo: 00:04:01

your recovery entail?

Angie: 00:04:03

Yes, so I had a couple of months of almost daily physical, occupational and speech

Angie: 00:04:09

therapy, usually in that order.

Angie: 00:04:11

I had outpatient rehab, so I got to go there

Angie: 00:04:14

during the day and come home in the evening.

Angie: 00:04:17

And it was very intense, but I was very lucky

Angie: 00:04:20

that I, I was able to recover so quickly.

Angie: 00:04:23

So the.

Angie: 00:04:23

The biggest telltale sign was I had drooping on the left side of my face.

Angie: 00:04:28

Um, so they attached some electrodes to my cheek that would, like, stimulate the muscle.

Angie: 00:04:33

And I did a lot of.

Angie: 00:04:34

A lot of exercises and, and, like, tongue

Angie: 00:04:37

twisters and things like that to get my tongue and my mouth working again.

Angie: 00:04:41

And then occupational therapy where.

Angie: 00:04:44

Where we really focused on my fine motor

Angie: 00:04:46

skills a little bit more on my left side.

Angie: 00:04:48

It was hard because I, I could move my hand,

Angie: 00:04:50

but I couldn't do anything fine motor skills.

Angie: 00:04:53

So I had to do a lot of exercises with that.

Angie: 00:04:56

That was about two months worth of recovery or rehab.

Angie: 00:05:00

And then I went back to work because I thought I looked fine.

Angie: 00:05:03

I was like, I don't look like I had a stroke.

Angie: 00:05:05

And I guess it's time for me to go back to

Angie: 00:05:07

work.

Angie: 00:05:07

But what I didn't realise is that my brain had

Angie: 00:05:10

not caught up with my body when I went back to work and tried to push myself like I've always

Angie: 00:05:15

done in my career, I've always been very career oriented and very much of a

Angie: 00:05:20

perfectionist in everything I do.

Angie: 00:05:22

And I went back and I thought I could function

Angie: 00:05:24

at the same level as I had before, and I really pushed myself.

Angie: 00:05:28

But what was happening was I was starting to get post stroke anxiety and post stroke

Angie: 00:05:33

depression, and they kind of wreaked havoc on my brain and made it so that I thought I had

Angie: 00:05:38

cognitive deficits from the stroke, because I wasn't able to think straight, I wasn't able

Angie: 00:05:43

to think quickly.

Angie: 00:05:44

I've always been somebody who's been writing

Angie: 00:05:47

in my career, and I just couldn't seem to make sense of sentences, and it was all just too

Angie: 00:05:53

much.

Angie: 00:05:54

And I ended up having to be hospitalised for

Angie: 00:05:56

my post stroke mental health, which was very serious, and it got me into a crisis

Angie: 00:06:01

situation.

MaryLayo: 00:06:02

Is it when you went back to work that you noticed about your, I guess, your

MaryLayo: 00:06:06

cognitive skills, you know, the thinking and processing information?

MaryLayo: 00:06:12

Was it when you got back to work, or would you say it was even before then?

Angie: 00:06:15

It was probably starting to show up just a little bit before then, because my

Angie: 00:06:20

oldest child was going off to college, and even though he was only going, like, 30 miles

Angie: 00:06:24

down the road, he was still moving out of the house.

Angie: 00:06:27

And as my oldest child is the first one to fly the nest, and I was a little down about it,

Angie: 00:06:33

but I hadn't tested my brain the way that work tests your brain.

Angie: 00:06:39

Things are different when you're in your work environment.

Angie: 00:06:42

I worked in an open office concept where you can hear everyone else on the phone and all

Angie: 00:06:48

the hustle and bustle.

Angie: 00:06:49

And what I didn't know is that my stroke brain

Angie: 00:06:52

was overstimulated by that much noise and that much, you know, that much stuff happening

Angie: 00:06:58

around me when I was at home, you know, it was quiet and you just have your family members,

Angie: 00:07:03

and then.

Angie: 00:07:04

And the pressure I put on myself to perform

Angie: 00:07:06

really exacerbated everything.

MaryLayo: 00:07:08

What were the signs of the anxiety and the depression that you said came a couple

MaryLayo: 00:07:14

of months after.

Angie: 00:07:15

At the time, I had never suffered with depression before.

Angie: 00:07:18

I had had some experience with anxiety, but just normal anxiety of everyday life, of being

Angie: 00:07:24

a mom.

Angie: 00:07:24

And I'd been on a low dose anxiety medication

Angie: 00:07:27

probably for 15 years before I had my stroke.

Angie: 00:07:30

After my stroke, that medication no longer

Angie: 00:07:32

worked.

Angie: 00:07:33

It's like my brain became, you know, immune to

Angie: 00:07:36

that medication, because when you have a stroke, there are biochemical changes in the

Angie: 00:07:40

brain.

Angie: 00:07:41

That can affect how you respond to different

Angie: 00:07:44

medications.

Angie: 00:07:45

Really, for me, I guess the anxiety was just

Angie: 00:07:48

always being very stressed about going to work.

Angie: 00:07:51

I mean, I've always worked in a high pressure situation, worked in agencies all my life, but

Angie: 00:07:57

I would dread going to work.

Angie: 00:07:59

I would have to meditate before I left the

Angie: 00:08:03

house.

Angie: 00:08:03

I would have to meditate in the parking garage

Angie: 00:08:05

when I got there because my heart was just always beating really fast.

Angie: 00:08:09

And I always felt like I had a tonne of bricks on my chest all the time and that I couldn't

Angie: 00:08:14

quite breathe.

Angie: 00:08:15

I knew it was probably anxiety.

Angie: 00:08:17

I didn't know where it was coming from, you know?

Angie: 00:08:19

And I've had people ask me to describe what it feels like to have major anxiety.

Angie: 00:08:25

I always say it feels like that moment right before you were in a car accident where you're

Angie: 00:08:29

just like, have this heightened sense of fear, and just your body responds, and it feels like

Angie: 00:08:35

you're having that feeling all day, every day.

Angie: 00:08:37

And it is so debilitating.

Angie: 00:08:40

And then for me, the depression was just.

Angie: 00:08:42

I kind of lost all affect.

Angie: 00:08:46

My voice was, like, monotone, and nothing brought me joy at all.

Angie: 00:08:51

It wasn't like I was sad or, you know, uncontrollably emotional.

Angie: 00:08:56

I had no emotions whatsoever, and nothing brought me joy.

Angie: 00:09:00

My kids weren't bringing me joy.

Angie: 00:09:01

Work wasn't bringing me joy.

Angie: 00:09:03

Actually, not being able to perform my job at the level I had before was even bringing me

Angie: 00:09:08

more down and making me hard on myself.

Angie: 00:09:10

So I was putting so much pressure on myself

Angie: 00:09:14

that the depression and anxiety, it's like they had room to grow.

Angie: 00:09:18

It's like it was perfect conditions for them to go out of control.

Angie: 00:09:22

I was having horrible insomnia, which just made everything worse, because if you don't

Angie: 00:09:27

get sleep, you don't get the right rest.

Angie: 00:09:29

And I just.

Angie: 00:09:30

I wasn't getting the right nutrition.

Angie: 00:09:32

I wasn't getting sleep because I had insomnia

Angie: 00:09:35

and I felt tired all the time.

MaryLayo: 00:09:38

And how long did this go on for, this state of high anxiety and depression?

Angie: 00:09:46

Well, it lasted for several months before I got help, so I think I was probably.

Angie: 00:09:52

I dealt with it for about three months.

Angie: 00:09:54

My doctor and I were trying different

Angie: 00:09:56

medication combinations, and I was going to therapy.

Angie: 00:09:59

It just wasn't helping, and work wasn't letting up.

Angie: 00:10:03

And so it just three months later, after I returned to work, I was in crisis mode.

Angie: 00:10:09

My family was so concerned about me because I wasn't the same person at all.

Angie: 00:10:14

And, you know, I've always been a very happy, very glass half full type person.

Angie: 00:10:19

Very positive.

Angie: 00:10:20

And I just.

Angie: 00:10:22

I had nothing.

Angie: 00:10:23

It was like I was a shell of my former self,

Angie: 00:10:26

but I was on edge all the time.

Angie: 00:10:28

And my family intervened and said, we need to

Angie: 00:10:32

do something.

Angie: 00:10:32

You need to get more help here.

Angie: 00:10:34

And so I went to see a psychiatrist, and he recommended that I go get evaluated for an

Angie: 00:10:41

intensive outpatient programme, an IOP at one of our local psychiatric hospitals.

Angie: 00:10:47

So when I went to be evaluated, they basically said, we need to admit you.

Angie: 00:10:53

I wasn't necessarily suicidal at the time, but I had lost my grip on reality.

Angie: 00:10:59

I thought everyone was lying to me.

Angie: 00:11:01

I call it my nervous breakdown.

Angie: 00:11:03

I was just a different person.

Angie: 00:11:05

And so they admitted me because it seemed like

Angie: 00:11:09

I was on the verge of crisis.

Angie: 00:11:10

They asked me if I was suicidal, and I said, I

Angie: 00:11:13

don't know.

Angie: 00:11:14

I mean, I felt like I had the potential to end

Angie: 00:11:17

my own life.

Angie: 00:11:18

So the first time I was admitted, I was there

Angie: 00:11:21

for about five days.

Angie: 00:11:22

And I just.

Angie: 00:11:23

I hated it so much and I felt so out of place and so much, like I was just failing in life.

Angie: 00:11:30

Not that I didn't feel like I had mental health problems.

Angie: 00:11:32

I just thought I was not strong enough to deal with my problems and that I didn't belong

Angie: 00:11:37

there and that I wasn't as serious or bad off as everyone else.

Angie: 00:11:41

And so I just made this decision that I was going to play the game, everything they told

Angie: 00:11:45

me to do, so I could get out of there as fast as possible and prove everyone wrong.

Angie: 00:11:49

And so I did.

Angie: 00:11:50

You know, I met with the psychiatrist in the

Angie: 00:11:52

hospital a few times, went to all the group therapies, all the group activities every day

Angie: 00:11:58

for about five straight days.

Angie: 00:11:59

And I convinced them that I was ready to be

Angie: 00:12:01

released.

Angie: 00:12:02

And then after five days, they were like,

Angie: 00:12:05

okay, we're going to release you, but we want you to start our intensive outpatient

Angie: 00:12:09

programme in three days.

Angie: 00:12:11

I wasn't fixed.

Angie: 00:12:13

I just wasn't well.

Angie: 00:12:15

And I believed that everyone was laughing at

Angie: 00:12:18

me, that everyone thought I was a failure and that my family would be better off without me.

Angie: 00:12:22

And I lined up all my medications on my bathroom counter, and I really thought very

Angie: 00:12:28

seriously about taking them all.

Angie: 00:12:30

It's crazy because I've had acquaintances or

Angie: 00:12:35

friends that have taken their own life before.

Angie: 00:12:38

And I guess what I always thought was, what a

Angie: 00:12:41

selfish thing to do, especially if you have kids.

Angie: 00:12:44

How could anyone do that? When you're in the throes of mental health

Angie: 00:12:48

crisis and that trauma, your brain is lying to you.

Angie: 00:12:52

Your brain is telling you to do it.

Angie: 00:12:54

Your brain is telling you that everyone would

Angie: 00:12:56

be better off without you, that you are a burden and that nothing will ever get better.

Angie: 00:13:02

So now I know how people can get to that point and that in that moment, it is not a selfish

Angie: 00:13:09

act.

Angie: 00:13:09

In that moment, it's just a desperate need to

Angie: 00:13:13

get out of pain and to help, you know, their loved ones and their family to not be in pain

Angie: 00:13:20

and not have the burden of you.

Angie: 00:13:21

Thank God I didn't do it.

Angie: 00:13:23

That night, a voice in the back of my head just kept saying, this is not your legacy.

Angie: 00:13:27

This is not your legacy to take your own life.

Angie: 00:13:29

I felt very lucky as a stroke survivor that I

Angie: 00:13:32

was still alive and that I could still walk and talk and function.

Angie: 00:13:36

And I thought, who am I to take my own life when I was just spared my life three months

Angie: 00:13:41

ago?

MaryLayo: 00:13:41

And so then was it that the three days later, that intensive outpatient

MaryLayo: 00:13:49

programme that kind of got you out of that season?

Angie: 00:13:55

You know, I wish I could say yes, but I refused to go to the IOP three days later, I

Angie: 00:14:02

just.

Angie: 00:14:02

I flat out refused.

Angie: 00:14:03

I couldn't get out of bed.

Angie: 00:14:05

It just.

Angie: 00:14:06

It seemed like it was at the same hospital that I had just been in.

Angie: 00:14:10

And I just was like, they didn't help me the first time, so why would I go back?

Angie: 00:14:14

And my sister came to pick me up that morning.

Angie: 00:14:16

She said, I'm coming to get you and I'm taking

Angie: 00:14:18

you.

Angie: 00:14:19

Because my poor husband was so tired, I wasn't

Angie: 00:14:22

letting him sleep during any of this crisis as well.

Angie: 00:14:24

So he was passed out, so tired.

Angie: 00:14:28

But my sister came over and she was like, get

Angie: 00:14:30

up, you're getting dressed.

Angie: 00:14:31

I'm taking you.

Angie: 00:14:32

But I wouldn't comply.

Angie: 00:14:34

I just.

Angie: 00:14:35

I wasn't myself.

Angie: 00:14:37

But once we got in the car and left my

Angie: 00:14:40

driveway, she said, I'm not taking you back there.

Angie: 00:14:42

I'm taking you to a different mental health facility to be evaluated.

Angie: 00:14:46

We'll take you someplace else, but you need something, you know, this is not right.

Angie: 00:14:51

You are not better.

Angie: 00:14:53

So I went to a different mental health

Angie: 00:14:55

facility.

Angie: 00:14:56

So you're with others that are going through

Angie: 00:14:59

very similar, you know, obstacles as you learning different strategies for overcoming

Angie: 00:15:04

it and learning that you're not alone.

Angie: 00:15:06

And it was twelve weeks, three days a week, 3

Angie: 00:15:10

hours at a time.

Angie: 00:15:11

So it was 9 hours a week for twelve weeks.

Angie: 00:15:14

And that saved my life for sure.

Angie: 00:15:17

That's what I credit was teaching me so much

Angie: 00:15:19

about how to manage my own mental health going forward.

MaryLayo: 00:15:23

So really at that point, it wasn't anything to do with your physical health, it

MaryLayo: 00:15:27

really was about your mental health and getting you back on track and being the person

MaryLayo: 00:15:35

that you remembered to be.

Angie: 00:15:37

Absolutely, yes.

Angie: 00:15:38

I was very lucky in that I had very, very

Angie: 00:15:42

minor physical deficits from the stroke.

Angie: 00:15:45

Nothing that most people would know.

Angie: 00:15:46

I could tell the difference in my facial droop a little at that point.

Angie: 00:15:50

It was still kind of noticeable.

Angie: 00:15:52

And I had a little bit of drop foot on the

Angie: 00:15:54

left side where I could hear my left foot dragging just a little.

Angie: 00:15:58

But I can't complain because I was able to walk without a cane or without assistive

Angie: 00:16:02

devices, and I was able to use my, you know, my hand, my arms.

Angie: 00:16:06

I could shower by myself and things that most stroke survivors cannot do.

Angie: 00:16:11

It took my psychiatrist many months, and I hate to say it was probably a couple of years

Angie: 00:16:18

before I really had my mental health under control, to a point where I was like, yes, I

Angie: 00:16:23

can go back to work now.

Angie: 00:16:24

I can do Angie things now.

Angie: 00:16:26

But it was a lot of trial and error until I got the medication combination right and also

Angie: 00:16:33

was sleeping again and was able to eat again, because that's another thing, is my appetite

Angie: 00:16:38

was non existent and I lost a bunch of weight.

MaryLayo: 00:16:41

So, Angie, what are the kind of things that you had to follow?

MaryLayo: 00:16:48

What are the kind of tips, the advice, the work that you had to do?

MaryLayo: 00:16:53

What does that look like?

Angie: 00:16:54

It was quite a combination of things.

Angie: 00:16:56

I had a lot of people that meant very, very

Angie: 00:16:59

well along my recovery journey and were giving me, like, self help books and telling me to

Angie: 00:17:04

follow self help podcasts and other things.

Angie: 00:17:07

I just wanted a quick and easy way to feel

Angie: 00:17:09

better.

Angie: 00:17:09

But what a lot of the things I learned, I put

Angie: 00:17:12

in this little booklet called mental health hacks, ten easy hacks to help manage anxiety

Angie: 00:17:16

and depression.

Angie: 00:17:18

It's just a little booklet, and it's just ten

Angie: 00:17:21

things I learned along the way.

Angie: 00:17:22

And they're not rocket science, but it's kind

Angie: 00:17:24

of nice to have them in a handy little book.

Angie: 00:17:26

And the first one, and again, they're not

Angie: 00:17:28

rocket science.

Angie: 00:17:29

But starting with journaling.

Angie: 00:17:32

My therapist had recommended journaling, and I just was like, no, I'm not really a journaler.

Angie: 00:17:37

And then she said, I really, but I really encourage you.

Angie: 00:17:39

It's not like you're just keeping a diary, writing everything that happened during your

Angie: 00:17:43

day.

Angie: 00:17:43

But, you know, let's.

Angie: 00:17:44

Let's do it in a therapeutic way.

Angie: 00:17:46

I want you to write down your thoughts and

Angie: 00:17:48

feelings throughout the day and what's triggering that, or try to pinpoint what's

Angie: 00:17:53

triggering that.

Angie: 00:17:53

And then over time, you can go back into your

Angie: 00:17:56

journal and see patterns, maybe and be able to address some of those patterns.

Angie: 00:18:01

So through therapy, I started journaling.

Angie: 00:18:05

And I tell other stroke survivors who can't

Angie: 00:18:07

write because they've lost that ability to journal in a different way.

Angie: 00:18:11

Maybe it's journaling through using a scribe or using like a talk to text app or something,

Angie: 00:18:17

or journaling through creative exploration, but you have to get your thoughts out so that

Angie: 00:18:23

you can examine them.

Angie: 00:18:24

And so that, for me, was very beneficial.

Angie: 00:18:27

I also learned how to meditate.

Angie: 00:18:30

Meditation and mindfulness were huge as far as

Angie: 00:18:34

being able to calm my mind, just knowing that I was safe and secure in the present moment.

Angie: 00:18:40

And then exercise.

Angie: 00:18:41

Exercise is key because it releases the

Angie: 00:18:44

certain feel good chemicals into our brain.

Angie: 00:18:46

And then the next one is really fresh air and

Angie: 00:18:49

sunshine on your face.

Angie: 00:18:51

Breathing the fresh air and the oxygen that

Angie: 00:18:53

you get when you go outside is so important.

Angie: 00:18:56

And also getting sunlight on your face within

Angie: 00:18:59

20 minutes of waking up is really, really important for your circadian rhythms.

Angie: 00:19:03

And it just really, it makes a huge impact on your mental health.

Angie: 00:19:07

That's why a lot of people have seasonal depression.

Angie: 00:19:09

When it gets dark and dreary in this, in the winter, I bought myself one of those little

Angie: 00:19:13

happy light things that like, simulates natural light to have during dark winter

Angie: 00:19:18

months.

MaryLayo: 00:19:19

So it sounds like you really changed your lifestyle.

MaryLayo: 00:19:24

That was a big factor for you then.

MaryLayo: 00:19:26

And is this something, Angie, that you've

MaryLayo: 00:19:29

continued to adopt and make part of your lifestyle even till today?

Angie: 00:19:33

Yeah. And I'm really glad that you asked me that because it's not a one and done.

Angie: 00:19:37

It's not okay, I'm cured.

Angie: 00:19:38

You know, I'll never have to deal with anxiety

Angie: 00:19:40

and depression again.

Angie: 00:19:41

For me, it's a daily practise.

Angie: 00:19:44

There are several things I try to do every day, like journaling and meditating and

Angie: 00:19:49

practising gratitudes, getting outside.

Angie: 00:19:52

I don't exercise every day, but I exercise as

Angie: 00:19:55

often as I can during the week.

Angie: 00:19:57

And then some of the other little hacks that I

Angie: 00:20:00

have are things like keeping your hands busy and that takes up space that anxiety and

Angie: 00:20:05

depression can't take up.

Angie: 00:20:06

And following a routine is very important too.

MaryLayo: 00:20:10

And do you still struggle? Would you still say you struggle to maintain

MaryLayo: 00:20:14

your mental health? Hell's life.

MaryLayo: 00:20:17

Like for you now, things are pretty.

Angie: 00:20:19

Steady and things are pretty good.

Angie: 00:20:21

But I still have fear that, you know, I might

Angie: 00:20:25

get anxiety and depression again.

Angie: 00:20:27

Because, long story short, now I'm not.

Angie: 00:20:30

I'm back to not working in corporate communications.

Angie: 00:20:33

My doctor eventually told me I needed to be in a much less stressful environment or it would

Angie: 00:20:40

kill me because I had two warning shots.

Angie: 00:20:42

You know, the first stroke is the one I

Angie: 00:20:44

basically talked about, but I had a much smaller one about eight months later.

Angie: 00:20:48

And I think that one was definitely caused by stress.

Angie: 00:20:51

And I had to deliberately take a huge step back in my position and my title and my role

Angie: 00:20:58

at work.

Angie: 00:21:00

And that was kind of a blow to my ego.

Angie: 00:21:03

But honestly, it kind of set me free in a way, because what I've really discovered is that I

Angie: 00:21:09

was just not finding fulfilment in it anymore.

Angie: 00:21:13

You know, I had always been fulfilled because

Angie: 00:21:15

my ego was getting a shot of adrenaline every time I won an award or every time I got a

Angie: 00:21:20

promotion or.

Angie: 00:21:21

And then I think I realised after having my

Angie: 00:21:24

strokes that that's not what life is about.

Angie: 00:21:26

That's not what brings me joy.

Angie: 00:21:28

What brings me joy are the little things.

Angie: 00:21:30

And I think having that mental health crisis

Angie: 00:21:32

that I had opened my eyes to, everything beautiful that surrounded me in my life, that

Angie: 00:21:37

I had maybe been a little blinded to because I was such a workaholic.

Angie: 00:21:41

And my most recent corporate job, I got laid off from about eight or nine months ago.

Angie: 00:21:49

And it was a blessing in disguise because it allowed me to focus on writing, focus on

Angie: 00:21:55

helping other stroke survivors.

Angie: 00:21:57

And I became a life coach, and now I focus on

Angie: 00:22:00

helping female stroke survivors help reclaim their confidence after their strokes because I

Angie: 00:22:06

lost all confidence in myself.

Angie: 00:22:08

I lost everything that I'd ever known.

Angie: 00:22:11

I thought my career was completely over.

Angie: 00:22:13

And with that, I lost my identity at the time.

Angie: 00:22:16

And so I've written another book about the identity crisis you have when your career is

Angie: 00:22:21

stripped from you.

MaryLayo: 00:22:22

Angie, like you mentioned about how much of a help your husband was, your hubby,

MaryLayo: 00:22:28

but how he was, you know, he was so tired because of, I guess, that impact on him

MaryLayo: 00:22:35

himself.

MaryLayo: 00:22:36

What kind of things would you say to ice?

MaryLayo: 00:22:41

Well, the support network of stroke survivors, you know, what kind of things would you say to

MaryLayo: 00:22:48

them? Because they're very much in it and they also

MaryLayo: 00:22:50

are impacted and they are.

Angie: 00:22:53

They're very much directly impacted.

Angie: 00:22:55

It's very hard on the family.

Angie: 00:22:57

It's very, especially hard on the significant other because they have to pick up the slack

Angie: 00:23:03

that you're dropping.

Angie: 00:23:04

Like, for me, I couldn't go back to work.

Angie: 00:23:05

I was on disability and my husband was not on disability.

Angie: 00:23:10

So he was still working full time and he was juggling me and making sure I was safe in a

Angie: 00:23:16

safe environment and trying to, you know, still work and still support our family and

Angie: 00:23:21

support my kids and everything else.

Angie: 00:23:23

Luckily, my kids were a little bit older by

Angie: 00:23:25

this, this time.

Angie: 00:23:26

But I would just say, give yourself grace and

Angie: 00:23:31

have patience with yourself because it's so hard to be a caregiver.

Angie: 00:23:35

It's so hard.

Angie: 00:23:36

And if you've never been through anxiety or

Angie: 00:23:39

depression, clinical anxiety or depression in your life, you can't really understand it.

Angie: 00:23:43

It wasn't until it happened to me that I fully understood other family members that had had

Angie: 00:23:48

mental health problems before in my life, because I used to always look at my sister who

Angie: 00:23:54

had had anxiety and think, why are you so anxious?

Angie: 00:23:57

You have nothing to be anxious about.

Angie: 00:23:59

Your life is fine.

Angie: 00:24:00

You know, it was, I didn't understand.

Angie: 00:24:03

And so it's try to have some understanding.

Angie: 00:24:07

I think if you read my book, you'll get a little bit deeper into what your stroke

Angie: 00:24:12

survivor or loved one is going through and what's going through their mind.

Angie: 00:24:17

It helps to have a little bit of that perspective, but it's very hard to be a

Angie: 00:24:21

caregiver.

Angie: 00:24:22

And, you know, it's so hard on the kids

Angie: 00:24:24

because they want their old parent back.

Angie: 00:24:26

I mean, my, my daughter, she was 13.

Angie: 00:24:29

One day she said to me, she said, I miss my fun mom, and that still hurts me.

Angie: 00:24:36

I mean, of course she didn't mean to hurt me, but she missed her fun mom, and I missed fun

Angie: 00:24:41

Angie, too.

Angie: 00:24:43

And at the time, I said, I miss her, too, but

Angie: 00:24:45

hopefully she'll be back.

Angie: 00:24:47

And I wasn't convinced at the time that I

Angie: 00:24:50

would ever get her back.

Angie: 00:24:51

But she's back and she's happy and she's fun

Angie: 00:24:54

again.

MaryLayo: 00:24:55

So there's one other book which is called invisible Scars.

Angie: 00:24:59

Yes, that's the first book.

MaryLayo: 00:25:01

What's that one about?

Angie: 00:25:02

So my book talks about the mental health and emotional health challenges that

Angie: 00:25:07

are out there.

Angie: 00:25:08

And I wanted other stroke survivors to know

Angie: 00:25:10

that these things are common.

Angie: 00:25:12

You are not alone.

Angie: 00:25:13

There is help.

Angie: 00:25:15

Just have faith, have patience and reach out

Angie: 00:25:17

for help because you can get past it.

Angie: 00:25:20

That's what that book is about.

MaryLayo: 00:25:21

I love that.

MaryLayo: 00:25:22

Have faith, have patience.

MaryLayo: 00:25:25

And, yeah, I always tell people, have.

Angie: 00:25:27

Patience and give yourself grace.

Angie: 00:25:29

Not everything happens in a day when you're in

Angie: 00:25:31

mental health crisis.

Angie: 00:25:32

You want it fixed immediately.

Angie: 00:25:34

We're always looking for immediate answers because it is so painful, but it's not

Angie: 00:25:40

immediate, unfortunately.

MaryLayo: 00:25:43

So I guess I want to ask, what would you say to the Angie right in the thick of

MaryLayo: 00:25:54

that drama, that life changing season, what would you say to the Angie back then?

Angie: 00:26:03

Yeah, I probably would say, it gets better.

Angie: 00:26:07

Don't worry.

Angie: 00:26:08

It gets better.

Angie: 00:26:09

You will be back.

Angie: 00:26:11

Just give yourself time.

Angie: 00:26:12

Patience.

Angie: 00:26:13

Do the work and you will get yourself back.

Angie: 00:26:17

I think that's key.

Angie: 00:26:19

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Angie: 00:26:20

You just have to put in the work and you just have to have faith.

MaryLayo: 00:26:23

Fantastic.

MaryLayo: 00:26:25

Here's a spiritual wellness tip for you to

MaryLayo: 00:26:28

meditate on.

MaryLayo: 00:26:29

It's proverbs, chapter four, verses 20 to 22.

MaryLayo: 00:26:34

And it reads, my child, pay attention to what I say.

MaryLayo: 00:26:40

Listen carefully to my words.

MaryLayo: 00:26:42

Don't lose sight of them.

MaryLayo: 00:26:45

Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them and

MaryLayo: 00:26:52

healing to their whole body.

MaryLayo: 00:26:56

Thanks for listening.

MaryLayo: 00:26:57

Do follow and join me again next time on beyond the smile with Mary Lou.