Episode 14

full
Published on:

17th Oct 2023

Bouncing Back from Brain Tumour

Going through a Brain Tumour

In today's episode of MaryLayo Talks, I’m with guest, Mildred Talabi, about her experience when she discovered she had a brain tumour and the impact this had on her mental health and spiritual wellbeing during the recovery process. 

The conversation includes:

  • Signs that led Mildred to realise that something wasn’t right and that she had brain tumour.
  • Questioning and hearing from God about the illness.       
  • Mildred’s recovery process after surgery.
  • Challenges and successes post operation.
  • The different forms of support Mildred received from friends and family.
  • How Mildred deals with the annual medical check-ups.
  • Mildred’s faith in Jesus over her health and future.  
  • Bible scriptures and music that helped Mildred in her journey.
  • What Mildred learned about herself following her battle with brain tumour.
  • How Mildred now views life and the changes made following the experience.
  • Advice for those going through a serious health challenge.

Take a moment to delve into what may be 'beyond the smile' - listen in to the conversation.

Guest details:

Mildred Talabi trained as a Journalist and worked in the media, before transitioning into Public Relations and then Communications. Along the way, Mildred started several businesses, authored four books, and had the privilege of speaking to and training many audiences across different countries. Today, Mildred specialises in working with female leaders and women in business to build powerful and authentic personal brands through being visible on LinkedIn. 

Guest's website

MaryLayo's spiritual wellbeing tips:

  • Meditate on the bible scriptures: John 16:33, Philippians 4:13 & Psalm 23:4
  • Listen to No Longer Slaves. Artist: Zach Williams. 

Connect with MaryLayo:

LinkedIn

Instagram

For help in dealing with mental health related matters, please seek specialist professional advice and support if needed.

Transcript

1

::

MaryLayo: Welcome to Marylayo Talks, a podcast

that discusses mental health and spiritual

2

::

well being.

3

::

Before we jump in, there may be episodes that

4

::

are particularly sensitive for some listeners,

and if that applies, then I.

5

::

MaryLayo: Hope you'll be able to join me.

6

::

MaryLayo: Whenever you feel ready and able in

today's episode.

7

::

I'm with guest Mildred Talibee, who is used to

being in the spotlight.

8

::

Mildred is a LinkedIn top voice and visibility

coach, the founder of a community for women in

9

::

business and leadership, and is the author of

several books.

10

::

This time we put the spotlight on what it can

take to battle through a serious health

11

::

condition.

12

::

And Mildred shares her experience of how she

13

::

recovered from a brain tumour and what helped

her along the way.

14

::

Let's have a listen.

15

::

MaryLayo: This journey that you went through,

it started off by you actually collapsing

16

::

outside of work some years ago.

17

::

When was that?

18

::

And tell us what happened afterwards.

19

::

Mildred: Yeah, sure.

20

::

This was going back to 2019 now, September

21

::

2019.

22

::

The actual day was the 2 September 2019, a day

23

::

I'll never forget.

24

::

So yeah, I collapsed outside of work.

25

::

My workmate, one of my workmates had managed

to call her, she found me in the car park

26

::

hanging out my car, vomit everywhere kind of

thing, just in a right state.

27

::

I was unconscious by the time they got there.

28

::

So the journey to get into that place actually

29

::

began a few months earlier from that place.

30

::

It was one day in May, I think it was towards

31

::

the end of May, I kind of woke up and I was

fine going about my business in a day.

32

::

And then about in the afternoon, I felt like

this pain, like on the back of my neck, on my

33

::

head.

34

::

It was just like this frobbing pain that came

35

::

out of nowhere.

36

::

It was just hurt in that area.

37

::

I'm like, what is this?

Did I sleep wrong?

38

::

Did I twist my neck while I was sleeping?

And then I'm like, if that was the case, then

39

::

that pain would have come as soon as I woke

up, not hours later.

40

::

So I just did what most of us do when we have

any kind of pain.

41

::

I found some painkillers, I popped them, I

thought, maybe this will help.

42

::

And it didn't help.

43

::

The pain didn't go away and it was literally

44

::

like at one point it was like I was having a

seizure almost.

45

::

It would come on me in waves, it would kind of

fade and then it would come on really strong

46

::

and I would be like, don't touch me, don't

touch me.

47

::

The one time I fell on the floor, both my

girls were there and I was like, mommy's okay,

48

::

mommy's okay.

49

::

But it was like this pain was just shooting

50

::

through my body, through my neck.

51

::

I've never experienced anything like that

52

::

before.

53

::

And that pain persisted for that day, the next

54

::

day, the day after that, the day after that,

the day after that, it went on daily for

55

::

months.

56

::

It was literally for a long time.

57

::

MaryLayo: Did you get it checked out, then?

58

::

Mildred: I did everything.

59

::

I went to doctors several times.

60

::

I went to an E called one one one called

everything I could do.

61

::

At one point, they checked everything and then

they couldn't figure out what was wrong.

62

::

And then one time they prescribed me, like I

had, like, 15 pills I was supposed to be

63

::

taking in one day each time.

64

::

And I'm not big on pills anyway.

65

::

And I was like, after trying it once, I was

like, no, this is not happening.

66

::

I'm not going to live like this.

67

::

So I ended up going private to an osteopath.

68

::

It was a neck issue, bone issue.

69

::

Yeah.

70

::

That was the only thing that actually brought

relief temporarily.

71

::

Yeah.

72

::

I ended up going to weekly sessions for a bit

73

::

and it would give me temporary relief.

74

::

But that pain never fully went away.

75

::

And at this point, the hospital had referred

me to a neurologist.

76

::

But my appointment was in November.

77

::

And remember, this started in May, and we're

78

::

about a month into this now.

79

::

My appointment, the earliest they could find

80

::

for me was in November.

81

::

I was like, what am I supposed to do with

82

::

myself between now and then?

But that was just the situation.

83

::

Until that day that we spoke about at the

beginning, I wasn't fully self employed at the

84

::

time.

85

::

I was still juggling both worlds.

86

::

So I was driving into work, I was there going

on the motorway, super fast speeds, and I'm

87

::

just like, I don't feel too good.

88

::

And then off the motorway, I go down country

89

::

roads in Kent, and they are kind of narrow

roads, if you know roads.

90

::

It's like, as I'm going down, I couldn't see

the cars coming the other way until they've

91

::

gone past.

92

::

It was like I was just feeling like, whoosh.

93

::

I was like, what was that?

Some.

94

::

By the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.

95

::

I managed to end up at work, collapse outside

96

::

work, in the car park, sent some garbled

message to one of my workmates.

97

::

Apparently, I tried to call initially, I tried

to call a taxi to take me to hospital.

98

::

I don't know what I was thinking.

99

::

Call an ambulance.

100

::

Somehow I ended up in a car park without being

run over or getting into a car crash.

101

::

And that was where it's like my colleagues

found me and I woke up in an ambulance on the

102

::

way to hospital.

103

::

MaryLayo: Even that bit you've just explained

sounds very dramatic.

104

::

It could have been so much worse.

105

::

Just the fact that you were journeying, going

106

::

through motorways, high speed country lanes

and you managed to get to the hospital, that's

107

::

amazing.

108

::

That stands out for me.

109

::

Just in terms of what you said, it's the grace

of God that kept you.

110

::

I guess I'm assuming that the next thing that

you remember was it waking up after the

111

::

surgery?

112

::

Mildred: No. So the surgery didn't happen

straight away.

113

::

So I woke up at the first hospital I was taken

to in East Surrey Hospital.

114

::

And they were like, okay, we found something,

but we're not entirely sure what it is.

115

::

And because we're not as sophisticated

equipment wise, we're going to send you to

116

::

this other hospital, st.

117

::

George's Hospital in London, which was some

118

::

miles away, because they're specialists in

head know.

119

::

So they took me in another ambulance, sent me

to St. George's Hospital.

120

::

By that time, my husband arrived and stuff.

121

::

And when we got to the hospital and they did

122

::

all their tests, they were like, sorry to tell

you this, but we found a brain tumor.

123

::

You have a brain tumor.

124

::

So I'm like, what?

125

::

And they were like, you can't go home.

126

::

We have to kind of hospitalize you and stay

127

::

here.

128

::

So it was a benign tumor, which basically

129

::

means the difference is it doesn't spread

quickly.

130

::

So it was located in that one place in the

back of my head.

131

::

It was like the size of I can't remember how

they described the size.

132

::

Everything was like a blur.

133

::

You're hearing it and it's like a brain tumor.

134

::

You're in shock.

135

::

And they're saying lots of stuff.

136

::

MaryLayo: And I'm still trying to taking it

in, processing it.

137

::

Mildred: Yeah, I'm still trying to process.

138

::

And I ended up staying in hospital for that

139

::

entire month of September.

140

::

The first couple of weeks, almost a couple of

141

::

weeks was leading up to the surgery, getting

me ready, blood tests, all kinds of stuff that

142

::

was needed.

143

::

And then the last few weeks was recovering

144

::

from the surgery.

145

::

I had a six hour surgery, spent three days in

146

::

intensive care, and then from there just kind

of recovering and getting physio help to kind

147

::

of get back on my feet before they let me back

out into my real life.

148

::

MaryLayo: Right. Wow. Okay, tell me about that

recovery process.

149

::

So you had the six hour surgery, and I guess

that rehabilitation.

150

::

Tell me about the recovery process and how you

were able to overcome those emotional and

151

::

psychological challenges during that recovery

process.

152

::

Because like you said earlier, just even

hearing about brain tumor, that was a lot to

153

::

take in and process.

154

::

So how was that recovery process for you in

155

::

terms of your emotional and psychological the

challenges that you had to overcome?

156

::

Mildred: Yeah, sure.

157

::

So I've always been somebody who kind of I'm a

158

::

glass half full person.

159

::

Okay?

160

::

That's the thing.

161

::

And I'm also a Christian.

162

::

My faith is a major part of who I am and how I

get through life.

163

::

My faith in Jesus is like a big part of it.

164

::

So the very first reaction I had, actually,

165

::

when they told me about the brain tumor was

one of relief because I had lived in pain for

166

::

so long and that pain was really bad.

167

::

It was so hard to describe, to anybody.

168

::

Like, it was at one point when I was at work,

I would literally run to the toilet every time

169

::

this thing came over me.

170

::

And it was like I was having a fit.

171

::

And they must be thinking, this girl keeps

going toilet.

172

::

She must drink a lot of water, which I did

anyway, so it was a good cover, but several

173

::

times a day, I would be running into the

toilet.

174

::

So anyway, so that first thing was relief.

175

::

And then it was kind of like.

176

::

MaryLayo: And I guess it was relief because

you had identified what the cause was rather

177

::

than wondering what's going on.

178

::

Mildred: Yes, because a lot of the frustration

of the whole being medicated is that whole

179

::

thing of I was like, I don't want these 15

bills because you're trying to treat a

180

::

symptom.

181

::

You're not giving me the cause.

182

::

I want to know the cause.

183

::

Why is my head hurting?

184

::

Why is my neck hurting?

What is going on?

185

::

So that gave me the answer that I'd been

looking for for months.

186

::

So it was like, Everything's okay now.

187

::

So that was the first reaction.

188

::

Then the second thing was like, Why?

And then obviously, not all of us, but the

189

::

next question is like, but why, Lord?

You know, like, why me?

190

::

Why a brain tumor?

Why this?

191

::

Why still?

It's like, I never got an answer for the why,

192

::

but I realized afterwards, the why doesn't

matter.

193

::

It's not the why.

194

::

It's what you make of it.

195

::

Adversity happens to all of us, whether you're

Christian or not, it doesn't matter.

196

::

We're going to go through life, and we're

going to go through things in life.

197

::

It's like, how do you respond when adversity

hits?

198

::

Not if it hits, but when?

Because every single one of us will go through

199

::

something.

200

::

Maybe not as traumatic as a brain tumor, but

201

::

we're going to go through something.

202

::

And it's like, now is the opportunity to

203

::

really see what you're kind of made of.

204

::

So, funnily enough, when I first got to the

205

::

hospital, and I journal on stuff, and I was

talking to God about it, and I was like, Why

206

::

is this happening?

How should I react to this?

207

::

And one of the things that I felt really

strongly was this whole idea of you said,

208

::

like, rest Milja dress.

209

::

Okay.

210

::

Interesting.

211

::

Yeah.

212

::

So I'll give you a little snapshot of my life

before then.

213

::

I was mum of two, busy mom of two girls.

214

::

My kids were at the time.

215

::

My oldest was about to start school, so she

was four, and my little one was three.

216

::

And then I got my husband at home.

217

::

I was running a business on the side and

218

::

working full time.

219

::

My life was full on.

220

::

It was busy.

221

::

So this was like, for the first time in a long

222

::

time that I actually got to do was in the

first two weeks leading up to the operation,

223

::

the surgery, I was in hospital, and I love the

doctors and nurses at St. George's Hospital.

224

::

I'm picking you guys up.

225

::

They took such good care of me.

226

::

Like, three times a day, I was getting meals

served.

227

::

I cooked the meals.

228

::

MaryLayo: Exactly.

229

::

So that's one example of the rest during that

230

::

period.

231

::

Mildred: Yeah, exactly.

232

::

And so that perspective really shifted that

233

::

first two weeks, which could have been I could

have spent that time worrying or like, what's

234

::

going to happen?

All of that kind of stuff.

235

::

But I was like, you know what?

I'm actually going to rest.

236

::

I'm going to enjoy this rest period, and I'm

going to rest.

237

::

And that's what I did for those first two

weeks.

238

::

MaryLayo: And that's because that's what you

felt God was saying to you at that time.

239

::

Okay, definitely.

240

::

Mildred: And perspective matters a lot in

life.

241

::

How you approach things as two people can go

through the exact same thing, but the

242

::

difference is how you view what you go

through.

243

::

So I could definitely have sat there and felt

like, oh, my God, I think 101 thoughts about,

244

::

oh, my God, I'm going to die, or am I going to

die or what's going to happen?

245

::

All of that.

246

::

And not to say that there wasn't any period

247

::

where I was like, what is happening?

And actually that came more after the

248

::

operation because as well, I've always been

like an independent person.

249

::

I'm like a get up and go kind of thing.

250

::

I'm going around, I'm doing things, I'm living

251

::

life.

252

::

I'm not sitting down watching, you know, I've

253

::

got things to do.

254

::

So after the surgery, I'm there trying to get

255

::

up and go again like Mildred normally could,

and I couldn't.

256

::

And that's when it really hit home that

something major had happened, because I'm

257

::

trying to walk and my legs don't want to come

with me.

258

::

MaryLayo: Wow.

259

::

Mildred: So I'm ending up on the floor, and 1

minute I'm talking to you, the next minute I'm

260

::

waking up from talking to you because I've

blacked out.

261

::

And I don't remember what's happened in the

last two, three minutes because I'm just gone.

262

::

So it's like all of these things, I lost

control of myself.

263

::

And that was scary for a season.

264

::

It was scary and it was upsetting and it was

265

::

like, what is going on?

I don't understand, and how can I get back to

266

::

being me again?

And that was the journey that took a long

267

::

time.

268

::

Well, not a long time, because my doctor

269

::

always said every time he saw me, my surgeon

is like, you're doing so great.

270

::

You're, like, ahead of where we think you

should be.

271

::

MaryLayo: But for you, it was a long time.

272

::

Mildred: It took a long time.

273

::

To me, it took a long time.

274

::

MaryLayo: I'm going to go back to when you

were asking about why me, Lord?

275

::

So behind that question of why, was it because

you were praying or you were a believer?

276

::

What was behind the reason?

Why you questioned why me, Lord?

277

::

Mildred: Yeah. So I've been a Christian since

the age of 19 is when I gave my life to Jesus.

278

::

I became a born again Christian, and I've kind

of walked closely with God, I would say, since

279

::

that time.

280

::

So it was like, there's this I will call it a

281

::

false idea that a lot of us have in

Christianity that if you're a child of God, it

282

::

means bad things don't happen, won't happen,

and can't happen to.

283

::

So but actually, in the Bible, Jesus says, you

will go through many trials, but I have

284

::

overcome them all.

285

::

You will overcome.

286

::

So we will go through trials, but we will

overcome.

287

::

So I was of that thinking of, why should this

happen to me?

288

::

That kind of thing.

289

::

I mean, like, why?

290

::

I'm a Christian.

291

::

I love Jesus.

292

::

So that's where the root of that came from,

which I came to understand is not that's not

293

::

right.

294

::

That's not correct.

295

::

Maybe natural reaction.

296

::

God weren't angry with me or anything for

297

::

asking.

298

::

There's a natural reaction, but that's the

299

::

wrong focus.

300

::

The focus isn't why.

301

::

And now, four years on, looking back at all

the things that have happened as a result of

302

::

that one incident, all the people's lives that

have been touched from me sharing this story,

303

::

it's like that has been a blessing that I

didn't ask for, that I didn't want.

304

::

Even how the strength that I discovered in

myself that I didn't know, that I had in me,

305

::

all of that came through this one trial.

306

::

So there's so much good that has come out of

307

::

that bad situation that would never have come

had that bad situation not happened.

308

::

MaryLayo: Got you.

309

::

Yeah. So, like, you were talking about that

310

::

let's call it that rehabilitation process,

that time of rest where after the surgery,

311

::

literally, you were forced to slow down and

almost, like, pace yourself, really.

312

::

So what would you say was the breakthrough

moments or the turning points that really

313

::

stand out to you during that recovery journey?

314

::

Mildred: Yeah. I am so grateful that at that

period of my life, so many people rallied

315

::

around me.

316

::

It was unbelievable, the kind of love that I

317

::

felt.

318

::

And not just from my immediate family.

319

::

My husband and my kids, though.

320

::

My kids came to visit me in the hospital and

321

::

I'm all, like, tubed up wires everywhere.

322

::

My older one, she wouldn't come near me

323

::

because she was scared that she would hurt me

kind of thing.

324

::

She kind of kept her distance when my little

one, he was very much a hugger.

325

::

Was like, Mommy, what's going on?

But it was like, just the whole way, like,

326

::

everybody I felt such love and support from my

family, my friends, my community, like, my

327

::

church group.

328

::

People came, visited, literally.

329

::

My neighbors.

330

::

I had some neighbors who would walk with me

331

::

because at that time, my older one started

school and she was going.

332

::

My little one was a nursery.

333

::

And the nursery was like walking distance from

334

::

my house.

335

::

But this primary school, my husband had to

336

::

drive her, so it was me and the little one.

337

::

But I couldn't walk her to school on my own

338

::

because for the first three months, I would be

blacking out and fainting randomly.

339

::

It was actually dangerous.

340

::

So I had neighbors who came and took shifts

341

::

and to walk with me to the nursery, it was

like a three minute walk, but in the

342

::

beginning, I could barely make those three

minutes, just like getting back on my feet.

343

::

So all of that coming together and people

who've never prayed in their life before, it's

344

::

like, I'm praying for you.

345

::

We have to pull through.

346

::

So it was just beautiful how everybody and

everyone came together in that season of my

347

::

life again.

348

::

Something that I wouldn't have been so

349

::

conscious of just how loved I was had I not

gone through this.

350

::

Something like this.

351

::

There was another standout moment.

352

::

So about three months after this, so this has

all happened, I came home in first week of

353

::

October.

354

::

So October, november.

355

::

December is coming up to the New Year time.

356

::

And that period is my favorite period of the

357

::

year.

358

::

That crossover between one year and the other,

359

::

just you're making plans for the new year and

all that kind of stuff.

360

::

And at this point, I was just about walking

properly again.

361

::

Before this, I used to run, like, I used to do

jogging and on a fairly regular basis, fairly

362

::

fit.

363

::

And I used to do five K part runs.

364

::

And obviously I hadn't been able to run for a

while.

365

::

So I said to myself, I was like, I want to be

able to run again.

366

::

Like, come January, I want to be able to run

again.

367

::

So I think it was my husband who showed me,

but I downloaded this app called Couch to Five

368

::

K. Well.

369

::

MaryLayo: I haven't completed it, but I've

tried it.

370

::

I'm giving myself away now.

371

::

Mildred: Yes, that thing helped me massively.

372

::

So literally, I used that app and within I

373

::

think it was an eight week period, however

long the app following the program, I went

374

::

from barely walking to being able to run a

five K. And that was, like, such a massive

375

::

achievement for me, because a few months

early, I was fainting nonstop, and here I was

376

::

running.

377

::

And so, yeah, so that is just like it's that

378

::

whole thing of you don't quite know what

you're capable of until you have no choice but

379

::

to do whatever it is but to show yourself, to

conquer yourself.

380

::

As I posted about today on LinkedIn.

381

::

MaryLayo: I feel like giving you a high five

because some people who have downloaded that

382

::

app, they haven't even completed it, and yet

you were able to do that just months after

383

::

what you went through.

384

::

So, yeah, that's an amazing breakthrough.

385

::

Really.

386

::

Mildred: Let's do it.

387

::

Yeah.

388

::

MaryLayo: No, honestly, that's amazing.

389

::

That's amazing.

390

::

You mentioned about that support system, so

your friends and family and how they played

391

::

that role.

392

::

So it was things like just even the simple

393

::

things that meant a lot to you and had that

big impact, but maybe not so big to them, like

394

::

walking alongside you when you're taking your

daughter to school, praying.

395

::

Were there other ways that you really did feel

that love from your support system?

396

::

Mildred: Yeah. So I had friends that one of my

friends, Vira hey.

397

::

Hey.

398

::

She used to make me food.

399

::

MaryLayo: Okay.

400

::

Mildred: Because after a while, I got bored of

hospital food, and I'm like, not sandwiches

401

::

again.

402

::

MaryLayo: Bring it to the hospital.

403

::

Mildred: And she would make me like she's

Ghanaian.

404

::

She would make, like, Ghanaian rice and

chicken and all of this.

405

::

And it was heaven just to eat that stuff.

406

::

My mom would make me food, and I'm Nigerian.

407

::

She'll make me, like, Nigerian food.

408

::

Because they know that in hospital, you ain't

409

::

getting no culture.

410

::

It was nice for a while, but I was like, okay,

411

::

I miss they would bring food and things like

that.

412

::

One of my friends because one of my worries

when I did end up in hospital was my daughter

413

::

was about to start school, the oldest one.

414

::

And I was like, I had all these plans to do

415

::

her hair and stuff.

416

::

I'm like, who's going to do her hair?

417

::

Because one of my friends, they live in

Hastings, and we were in Kent.

418

::

They would drive down once a week, and then

she'd come and do both my girls know, and that

419

::

was just, like, literally amazing.

420

::

So all of those kind of little things and then

421

::

just neighbors checking on me, like just

knocking.

422

::

Are you okay?

Do you need anything?

423

::

The church group came down.

424

::

They brought food as well, and they fed my

425

::

husband while I wasn't there as well, my

husband and kids.

426

::

The people were cooking for them.

427

::

So home was sorted, so I could truly kind of

428

::

just focus on my own recovery, which really

helped massively.

429

::

MaryLayo: Sure. One of the things you

mentioned was about how you were still having

430

::

these blackouts, even up post op, right?

431

::

Mildred: Yeah.

432

::

MaryLayo: And I don't know what was causing

those blackouts.

433

::

Was it explained?

And then I guess my second follow on question

434

::

is really about did those blackouts get less

frequent over time until it stopped?

435

::

Mildred: The blackouts was part of the side

effects because the part of where they removed

436

::

the tumor from is connected to, like it was

close to my spine or something like that.

437

::

If it had gone any which way, the other way, I

may not have been able to walk, but it's part

438

::

of that, the part that my brain, but it's not

the part of my brain that controls my thinking

439

::

and all of that.

440

::

So I was still able to think, to reason, all

441

::

that.

442

::

It was my mobility that was affected, because

443

::

that's where it was closer to.

444

::

So I think the doctor said the blackout is

445

::

just one of the side effects of it's.

446

::

Your body just getting back used to

447

::

functioning properly again because this

thing's been taken out there's, like it's

448

::

healing that part of your body.

449

::

I still have the scar here, so I touch it to

450

::

remind myself.

451

::

But anyway, so it was the frequency of it, it

452

::

was scary to begin with because I would never

know when it was going to happen.

453

::

Like I said, I'd literally be mid

conversation.

454

::

Maybe I was talking slow as well, slower,

because my brain is just, like, functioning

455

::

again.

456

::

It took about three months until they started

457

::

getting less and less, but it took three

months from the time of the surgery till I had

458

::

the last blackout because I was recording

every time it happened.

459

::

And then after three months, that was them,

like, oh my God, I haven't had one, I haven't

460

::

had one, I haven't had one.

461

::

Oh, my God, they're actually gone.

462

::

So, yeah, as I started to recover, those

things would go away.

463

::

Some of the other symptoms would go away as

well that I had.

464

::

I used to have, like, tingling sensations all

over my legs constantly, from the top to the

465

::

bottom.

466

::

Those gradually started to go.

467

::

I've got, like, tiny, tiny little bits left on

my feet from there, but it doesn't bother me

468

::

or anything like that.

469

::

So it's just yeah, my body gradually started

470

::

to recover with time, with rest, with some

medication, and just I also tried to push

471

::

myself, sometimes a bit too much.

472

::

My husband would be like, don't do that, stay

473

::

here, don't let me carry up here.

474

::

I'm like but eventually we got there.

475

::

MaryLayo: Sure. And it seems like that three

month period was that big milestone in terms

476

::

of the symptoms going, generally speaking, and

almost like back to normal.

477

::

Mildred: Yeah, no, it definitely wasn't back

to normal, but the worst symptoms left after

478

::

the three month period.

479

::

So I remember after that in January because I

480

::

wasn't allowed to drive either for a year

after up to a year afterwards.

481

::

So I became a civilian again.

482

::

So I remember the first time I had to go into

483

::

in January, I had to go back into London from

Kent to go and see my surgeon for my first

484

::

checkup.

485

::

And it was like, that whole journey was just

486

::

like a really surreal experience.

487

::

The first time I've gone that far on my know

488

::

since the operation.

489

::

So there was all this kind of, am I going to

490

::

be okay?

Am I going to faint?

491

::

Because I just finished fainting a few weeks

before that.

492

::

But I was able to kind of make that journey

and come back home in one piece on the train.

493

::

So that was like little things became big

wins.

494

::

So that was a big win.

495

::

One of the things I couldn't do prior to the

496

::

brain, for some reason, I can't sit on the

train when it's facing the other way, okay.

497

::

It just used to mess with my head for whatever

reason.

498

::

But after the operation, I found that I could

sit like that and I was okay.

499

::

I was like, there's some additional benefits

that I didn't know about.

500

::

So it's just that whole thing of finding

little reasons to be grateful.

501

::

And there were plenty.

502

::

We always have reasons to be grateful.

503

::

If we take the time to pay attention to that,

we've got reasons to be grateful every day, no

504

::

matter what we're going through in life.

505

::

All of those things became little wins that I

506

::

can tick off.

507

::

Oh, today I rode the train.

508

::

MaryLayo: I mean like that's even speaking to

me about how something so mundane to many

509

::

people like just traveling, let's just say

from Kent to London and then being able to

510

::

travel back by public transport how that was

such a big deal and it is a big deal but we

511

::

are often very easily take these things for

granted.

512

::

But they're things that we really should

appreciate.

513

::

So your story is a reminder of how we should

really be appreciative even in what seems to

514

::

be the mundane everyday activities.

515

::

Mildred: Absolutely.

516

::

MaryLayo: So I was going to ask about with

many, let's just call them survivors, they

517

::

often have worries in terms of it coming back,

like when they have their checkups, their

518

::

periodic checkups.

519

::

Is this something that comes to your mind?

520

::

And if so or not, how have you dealt with it?

How have you approached it?

521

::

Mildred: Yeah, that's a really good question,

because when they did my surgery and they

522

::

removed the tumor, I can't remember what the

exact percentage was, they said we got 97%, I

523

::

think it was, of the tumor out.

524

::

And they said there's a little tiny bit

525

::

remaining and that we can't reach.

526

::

However, we can use chemo chemotherapy to get

527

::

rid of the rest of it and zap it and also

potentially to stop it from coming back.

528

::

But it's your choice.

529

::

We recommend that you do, but it's your

530

::

choice.

531

::

But by the time they finished telling me this

532

::

was a few months after all the side effects of

the possible chemotherapy, I said, no, I don't

533

::

want that.

534

::

I had to be coming into the hospital every

535

::

single day for like, six weeks to get the

chemo.

536

::

I'm going to lose my hair, I'm going to put on

weight, the mood, all of that kind of I said

537

::

no. I said, and this is where my faith this is

why I say it's such an important part of my

538

::

story.

539

::

This is where my faith in God and Jesus Christ

540

::

kicked in.

541

::

I said, I don't believe that that is the will

542

::

of God for my life.

543

::

One and two, I don't believe that my work here

544

::

is done.

545

::

So I know I'm not dying.

546

::

Know, this is like, there's so much more in

me.

547

::

I know I'm not dying yet.

548

::

And I don't believe that living in that state

549

::

is the will of God.

550

::

So I believe that this tumor has been caught

551

::

and is gone.

552

::

This is like, I am not going to do this

553

::

chemotherapy because I don't want that.

554

::

And I was fully persuaded that this thing is

555

::

gone and it's not going to come back.

556

::

I was.

557

::

And I am.

558

::

And to this day, every time I go to my doctors

559

::

and once a year I have to go and see him.

560

::

Initially it was twice a year, now it's once a

561

::

year.

562

::

He does the thing.

563

::

They do my MRI scan, they show me the thing.

564

::

It's like, you're good, you're great, nothing

565

::

there.

566

::

So that's the thing.

567

::

So it has gone according to your faith, so be

it.

568

::

I know it's not always easy to do, but it's

when you go through these things is either

569

::

your God is real or he's not.

570

::

That is the thing.

571

::

And also if we take it away from someone who's

not a believer, right?

572

::

If you're not a believer and you're listening

to this, you're like, but I don't have God.

573

::

But what you believe can become reality in

your life.

574

::

What you believe and accept can become reality

in your life.

575

::

If you believe that your thing is coming back

and you spend your time worrying about it

576

::

constantly, constantly, even that very act in

itself can invite it back into your life.

577

::

This might be sound like I'm making it all

simplistic and I know it's not simple at all

578

::

and this is a complex thing and I didn't

invite the brain tumor into my life in the

579

::

first place.

580

::

Do you understand?

581

::

So I'm not saying that what we get or don't

get is based on just us, but there is

582

::

definitely an element of faith where what you

believe about yourself can become the reality

583

::

in your life depending on whether that's good

or bad.

584

::

And I knew that for me, if I start worrying

and thinking that this thing might come back,

585

::

then that's what I'm entertaining and guess

what?

586

::

That's what I'm feeding.

587

::

And I didn't want that in my life.

588

::

I didn't want it to come back.

589

::

I was focused on recovery, like I said, I know

590

::

I've got much more to do in this world.

591

::

It's not my time yet to go.

592

::

And that was where my focus was.

593

::

And thank God.

594

::

Four years on, here I am today, still telling

the story, still recovery.

595

::

I'm recovered, but it hasn't come back and

it's not coming back.

596

::

And I thank God for that.

597

::

MaryLayo: Sam mildred, like, all throughout

you've been really open about your faith, your

598

::

belief in Jesus and how that's helped you

through.

599

::

Is there anything else you would say about how

that experience affected your faith even now,

600

::

back then or even now?

601

::

Mildred: Yeah, without that faith, I don't

think I would have gone through this and come

602

::

out roses.

603

::

I'll be straight up honest with you because I

604

::

went through some really hard times and some

low times.

605

::

There's even a point after my surgery, I had

about eight nightmares in one night.

606

::

I wrote them down.

607

::

Eight different all of them involved people

608

::

trying to kill me one way or the other in the

same night.

609

::

It was like terrors of night.

610

::

There's a scripture in Psalm 23 that talks

611

::

about when though you walk through the valley

of the shadow of death, I am with you.

612

::

I literally walked through the valley of the

shadow of death.

613

::

In this whole experience, I was like, I now

get that scripture.

614

::

David weren't just sitting there talking

about, hey, I went through the valley.

615

::

It's like he was going through something that

was so dark and so deep that he felt like he

616

::

was walking through the valley of the shadow

of death.

617

::

And I could relate.

618

::

There are some really low points in that whole

619

::

journey.

620

::

I'm there waking up at 02:00 A.m.. I can't

621

::

sleep because my head is pounding, because my

head's been cut open.

622

::

It's there.

623

::

And there's times I woke up screaming.

624

::

I'm like, more I need more medicine.

625

::

And nurses after rushing and inject me with

626

::

some steroids and all that because I was in so

much pain and it was hell.

627

::

There's times I didn't even have the energy to

wake up.

628

::

I'd be lying in bed for most of the so.

629

::

But my faith, what got me through this was the

630

::

fact that I had faith in Jesus.

631

::

And this isn't a theory book faith.

632

::

It's like literally I'm like God.

633

::

Like, what is we?

634

::

I was journaling.

635

::

I was talking to Jesus.

636

::

He was helping me to reinterpret some stuff,

and that gave me the strength to come out of

637

::

this.

638

::

There are some scriptures that I have that are

639

::

key to my life.

640

::

I can do all things through Christ who

641

::

strengthens me.

642

::

So when I'm trying to walk and my legs were

643

::

there trying to collapse, I'm like, I can do

all things through Christ who strengthens me.

644

::

I may not walk the first time or the second or

the third, but we're going to use his legs.

645

::

They will be used again.

646

::

So all of these things and for me, that's what

647

::

got me through this.

648

::

Other people go through their stuff and they

649

::

get through it somehow, and that's okay,

everybody each to their own.

650

::

But for me, without that element of a real

living faith with Jesus Christ, I would not

651

::

have gone through this and come out with a

healthy perspective, let's just say.

652

::

Because even after as I was recovering, I

spent a lot of time watching Channel Five

653

::

movies.

654

::

If anyone knows Channel Five movies, they're

655

::

depressing and kind of like, yeah, you just

sit there and eat and watch people sadness

656

::

happening on TV.

657

::

It's like EastEnders doom and gloom, so all of

658

::

that kind of stuff.

659

::

And for a season, I'm just like feeling sorry

660

::

for myself, I'm just going to sit here, get

out of shape and watch Channel Five movies.

661

::

I've got a legitimate excuse to.

662

::

But afterwards it's like that life in me

663

::

kicked in.

664

::

It's like, this is not you.

665

::

Get up out of those grave clothes.

666

::

I didn't come here to preach.

667

::

MaryLayo: But you're preaching anyway.

668

::

Preach anyway.

669

::

Go with the flag.

670

::

You've mentioned at least two scriptures so

671

::

far.

672

::

You've mentioned Psalm 23.

673

::

And you've also mentioned about I can do all

things through Christ that strengthens me.

674

::

Were there any other key scriptures to you

that you meditated on that you declared during

675

::

that season or even now that you link to that

time?

676

::

Mildred: There was a song that got me through

this after I got through the whole thing.

677

::

Every time I hear that, so I have to change

the station.

678

::

And even to the point I had to blank it out of

my memory because even though it got me

679

::

through it, it always takes me straight back

to that hospital bed.

680

::

And it's this song by the version, it's like

this, oh, God, the sin.

681

::

It's not overwhelming love.

682

::

I'm going to remember this after this podcast.

683

::

Literally, I had to cast this out of my mind.

684

::

But I am a child of God.

685

::

MaryLayo: Okay, I will comment with you.

686

::

Mildred: Singing on this podcast one of my

gifts.

687

::

I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of

God.

688

::

MaryLayo: I'll put it in the show notes.

689

::

Mildred: Yes, that song.

690

::

And there's a particular version by this guy,

691

::

I can't even remember his name is a raspy

voice.

692

::

But there was that version, that song I played

over and over and over and over.

693

::

I don't know why it was that song.

694

::

I don't know what it meant, but that

695

::

ministered to me big time in that whole month

of the hospital, so much so that it became

696

::

such a part of me.

697

::

I could not hear that song afterwards without

698

::

going straight back into the hospital room.

699

::

So I stopped listening to it for a while.

700

::

But that got me through as well.

701

::

Just those at nighttime I would play it and

702

::

sometimes I'd cry myself to sleep because

sometimes I couldn't sleep because it was

703

::

really difficult to sleep when everything's

hurting.

704

::

There's all of that.

705

::

It was just having that active relationship

706

::

with God.

707

::

Journaling some stuff down.

708

::

I didn't always get an answer.

709

::

I didn't always hear back.

710

::

Sometimes I'd write stuff and I'm like ask

good questions and I didn't hear anything

711

::

straight away, but I just had this peace that

God was with me in this whole thing, that I

712

::

was going through the valley of the shadow of

death and he was with me.

713

::

That was the peace that I had throughout the

whole thing.

714

::

I had peace.

715

::

That's where that came from.

716

::

MaryLayo: Oh, gosh.

717

::

After all that's happened all that time, what

718

::

would you say are the key things that you

learned about yourself?

719

::

Because I'm sure there were some surprises

along the way, but also there definitely would

720

::

have been learnings about you as an

individual.

721

::

Mildred: Yeah, no, definitely there was

learnings about me.

722

::

But it's also on a wider basis as well, this

whole thing of if you would have said to me,

723

::

mildred, you can go for a brain tumor.

724

::

You can have, like, a six hour surgery, spend

725

::

three days in intensive care, black out for

three months, learn to walk again over eight

726

::

months and drive and all of that kind of

stuff, you can do it.

727

::

I'll be like, no way, no way.

728

::

Don't give that to me.

729

::

I can't handle that.

730

::

I watch these movies when they torture someone

731

::

to give up the secrets.

732

::

And I'm like, these people are brave.

733

::

The first pin that poked me, I would have

given up everything.

734

::

You would have disclosed it, all the secrets.

735

::

But to then have gone through such hardship

736

::

physically and recover from it is something I

knew I had some resilience, but I didn't know

737

::

just how much I had in me.

738

::

And I think that's the same for all of us,

739

::

that you just don't know how strong you are

until you go through something that requires

740

::

you to be strong.

741

::

MaryLayo: True.

742

::

Mildred: So that's one of the learnings.

743

::

I was like, wow, that's amazing.

744

::

And then also, what it also allowed me to do

coming out of that is, as I said, I was kind

745

::

of all, go beyond that.

746

::

And then God uses time to rest.

747

::

And then so it's like, how do I implement rest

as a part of what I do on a regular thing?

748

::

And by rest, I don't just means falling

asleep.

749

::

But one of the things is, like, the word is

for me is like I read it in a book, I can't

750

::

remember what the book was about.

751

::

Creating margins in your life so that you're

752

::

not full on.

753

::

So the idea of margins is it's like if you

754

::

have a lined page, you have this page.

755

::

There's margins on the side, so you're right

756

::

in the middle, but there's space on the side.

757

::

So this idea of, like, most of us, we live in

758

::

a place where we have no margins.

759

::

Our life is full on.

760

::

So if someone has a need, for example, we

can't stop and meet that need because we're

761

::

busy.

762

::

We're going from this appointment to that one.

763

::

We're doing this, we're doing that.

764

::

And that was me busy.

765

::

After that, I learned slowly over the years.

766

::

It took some years, but I learned to put

767

::

boundaries.

768

::

I run my own business, so I've learned to put

769

::

boundaries in my business, which allows me to

have margins.

770

::

So I don't do meetings before 10:00, for

example, is one of them.

771

::

I don't do evening sessions.

772

::

Wednesdays are me dates.

773

::

I have on my own to do whatever I want, go

cinema if I want to.

774

::

Fridays are me and my husband.

775

::

We have our date days at the kids are at

776

::

school, that kind of thing.

777

::

Is that putting boundaries in place so that

778

::

you can live life at a better quality, a much

better quality of life.

779

::

And that's one of the outcomes that's come out

of this whole experience that I'm really

780

::

grateful for as well.

781

::

MaryLayo: I think you've really said it

already, but if you can just really share how

782

::

this experience has actually changed the way

that you view life now yeah, that would be

783

::

good.

784

::

Mildred: Yeah. I've always been somebody who

kind of I think that life is too short.

785

::

I always say life is too short to do a job

that you hate.

786

::

So I've never done a job that I hate for very

long at all, really, in my entire career.

787

::

We spend so much of our work lives, of our

lives at work.

788

::

You can't afford to be spending every day

doing things that you don't love, things that

789

::

are not in your purpose.

790

::

Is there a season where you're going to have

791

::

to do something you don't like?

Whether to get through it to pay the bills or

792

::

whatever for a season?

Support your family?

793

::

Yes.

794

::

Okay.

795

::

But that should not be your everyday forever.

796

::

So that whole thing about just kind of really

797

::

knowing that tomorrow is not promised to any

one of us, you don't know.

798

::

And this is not to walk around feeling

paranoid like, oh, I don't know, I'm going to

799

::

die tomorrow, I'm going to get brain tumor

tomorrow.

800

::

It's not that, but live life with urgency,

knowing that you only have today, so make

801

::

today count.

802

::

And then if you wake up again tomorrow, that's

803

::

a fresh today.

804

::

Make that day count and the day after, make it

805

::

count.

806

::

Don't invest time, energy, effort, resources,

807

::

and things that don't have eternal value.

808

::

Don't also spend your time doing things that

809

::

you don't love that are not according to your

purpose, like make today count.

810

::

So that's like a big message that I would love

to get out there so you don't have to have a

811

::

brain tumor to realize how important life is.

812

::

But your life matters, and today's the day to

813

::

start making it matter if it already isn't how

you want it to be.

814

::

Those dreams that you're putting off for when

you retire at 70 or whatever, bring them

815

::

forward because you might not get to 70.

816

::

I don't want to end on a downer.

817

::

MaryLayo: So let's close with this.

818

::

She says, if someone's going through a similar

819

::

adversity, what would you like to say to them?

Because I know you're very that one of the

820

::

things I've picked up from your post on

LinkedIn is how you offer to support people.

821

::

If someone is going through something similar,

what would you like to say to them that you

822

::

feel could help?

823

::

Mildred: Yes, I did put that on the post where

I spoke about the four year anniversary.

824

::

I did say kind of if anyone's going through

because you just don't know, looking at

825

::

someone, what they're going through or what

they've been through.

826

::

So we really do have to have compassion and

kindness towards each other.

827

::

You just don't know what people are going

through.

828

::

So if you're going through something right now

and you're listening to this, the very fact

829

::

that you're still here means that you are a

champion, that you are a warrior, that you got

830

::

this, you can do this, you can get through

this.

831

::

There have been many, many people, I'm not the

only one who survived something as traumatic

832

::

as a brain tumor and went on to live and live

even fuller.

833

::

You can do the same.

834

::

And I'm absolutely, 110% praying for you,

835

::

rooting for you.

836

::

You've got this, you can do this.

837

::

MaryLayo: Thank you so much, Mildred.

838

::

You've really been a blessing in terms of how

839

::

you've freely spoken about your journey.

840

::

There's been no bars you've just given because

841

::

you want to be open, you want to be able to

encourage others.

842

::

You want someone, people, you want them to

really draw from your experience so that they

843

::

know that they're not alone and that they

could come out on the other side just like you

844

::

have.

845

::

So thank you so much for that advice and that

846

::

sharing.

847

::

Mildred: Thank you so much, Mary. It's been a

real pleasure.

848

::

Yeah, I'm more than happy to help.

849

::

I hope it has helped somebody.

850

::

MaryLayo: Mildred shared a few scriptures that

helped her.

851

::

So here they are for you to meditate on.

852

::

The first is Philippians, chapter four, verse

853

::

13.

854

::

I can do all things through Christ who

855

::

strengthens me.

856

::

She also mentioned a scripture about trials

857

::

and tribulations, which is John, chapter 16,

verse 33.

858

::

I have said these things to you that in me you

may have peace in the world, you will have

859

::

tribulation, but take heart.

860

::

I have overcome the world.

861

::

Finally, Mildred mentions Psalm 23

specifically verse four.

862

::

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the

shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you

863

::

are with me.

864

::

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

865

::

Thank you for listening.

866

::

MaryLayo: Do follow and join me again next.

867

::

MaryLayo: Time on Marylayo Talks Beyond the

Smile.

Show artwork for Beyond the Smile

About the Podcast

Beyond the Smile
with MaryLayo
Beyond the Smile - with MaryLayo is about issues and life events that negatively affect our mental health and spiritual wellbeing (biblical perspective). Various topics will be discussed, alongside guests, to help listeners understand more about their challenges and learn how they can live a more free and radiant life.

About your host

Profile picture for MaryLayo Talks

MaryLayo Talks

MaryLayo is a podcaster, with a strong interest in mental wellbeing, social justice and issues which affect the lives of vulnerable individuals and communities. She has extensive experience in research programme management, and like research, sees her podcast as a way – through the help of guests, to find out relevant, useful information to share, inform and help others (but with the fun-factor thrown in).

MaryLayo is keen for the messages of her Christian faith to be relatable to the everyday person and volunteers for several charities. Her hobbies include voice-overs, singing and travelling.