Life After Loss: How Ronke Joseph Found Strength After Losing a Leg

MaryLayo: 00:00:01

Welcome to Beyond the smile with me, MaryLayo, a podcast that discusses mental health and spiritual wellbeing. If you like what you hear, please do remember to follow and share.

But before we jump in, there may be episodes that are particularly sensitive for some listeners. And if that applies, then I hope you will join me whenever you feel ready and able.

Today's guest is Ronke Joseph, author of Impact my Story, my Ebenezer, my Victory, which gives an account of her road to recovery following being hit by a car. Ronque lost her right leg as a result of the accident, so I'm interested to learn how she managed to come to terms with such a life changing injury.

And I start off by asking, what happened that day? Let's join in the conversation.

Ronke Joseph: 00:00:59

January: 2015

Drove to the station near my house, parked the car there, got to the station, and as you probably know, with London there, usually our train cancellations and so on. So my train to London Bridge had been cancelled due to some overrunning works. So I decided to take another route.

I decided to go through Shoreditch High street, which meant that it would be an eleven minute walk to my office rather than, you know, a much shorter walk if I had gone through London Bridge. So I went through Shoreditch High street. When I got to Shoreditch High street station, I was making my way to the office, walking.

I got to a crossing and the lights turned red for us to stop, green for cars to go. So there were about 20 of us on the crossing.

And at this time I was actually having a chat with my husband because he was in Nigeria at the time, and we were talking about him coming back and me organizing how he gets back from the airport.

I had earphone in one ear, obviously listening out of the other ear, because when you're on the phone on the road, you still have to be aware of what's going on around you.

So I was just standing at the crossing, having this discussion with him, and before I knew it, a car that was going along the road just veered off the road and came straight at me with no warning. Just came straight at me, knocked me against a CCTV pole.

Oh, yeah, there was a pole behind me, so knocked me against the pole, and there were lots of, you know, there was lots of screaming, commotion, shouting. At that point, I didn't even know whether anybody else had been injured.

You know, when something happens like that, you know, you sort of just focus on yourself. So the people around, you know, sort of got me to lie down. They were comforting me, telling me everything's going to be all right.

I sort of knew I had been. My leg had been injured, but I didn't want to look. I just somehow I knew not to look. So I didn't look down at my legs at all.

Someone asked if they should call an ambulance. And, yeah, obviously I needed an ambulance, so the ambulance arrived, but they couldn't do much because of the extent of my injuries.

So they were waiting for the air ambulance to arrive. So the air ambulance arrived. A doctor anaesthetized me at the roadside because. Yeah, that's the extent of my injuries.

One, because they reckoned I was in a lot of pain. And two, because they knew that I would be going into surgery. And basically they had to bring the hospital to me.

That's the purpose of the air ambulance. They actually bring the hospital to the patient. So they anaesthetized me, treated me as much as they could at the roadside, ferried me off to the.

The nearest hospital, which was the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel. And must have been the evening time. I just woke up to a doctor telling me that he had amputated my leg. So he just had to break the news to me.

He said, hello, Adiranki Joseph. This is my name. I've just amputated your leg. I was quite drowsy at the time. Very, very drowsy.

So obviously, I couldn't speak at the time because I was the. How drowsy I was. I'd been under so much drugs and stuff. And that was how my day started, January 13. And I woke up in the evening to that news.

MaryLayo: 00:04:49

So when the doctor. I know you said you were quite drowsy at the time. So when he broke the news to you, were you by yourself? Were you with others?

And even though you were drowsy, what was like, how much could you take in and process? I'm trying to get, I guess, gauge or immediate reaction, just in terms of absorbing that news and processing it.

Ronke Joseph: 00:05:15

Okay, so start off with I was by myself because by this time, when the accident happened, no one knew. Even though I was talking to my husband, I didn't get to because the earphones fell out of my ear and he couldn't work out.

He worked out that something had happened, but he didn't know what it was. So he called my brother to tell him that, look, I think something's happened. I was talking to my wife.

And because, as I said, my husband was in Nigeria at the time, he was meant to be coming back the next day. So my family was still sort of looking for me.

And even though they had worked out where I was, because at this, by about midday, they had put something in the paper to say. Someone didn't put my name, but just said a lady in her forties had been run over by a car, rushed to Royal London Hospital.

So they worked out that it was me and my family. My brother was waiting outside with one of my very good friends and someone from work.

They were all waiting outside, but I had just come out of surgery in the recovery room.

So in terms of how I took the news, the funny thing is when I would say, the blessed thing is, when I was at the roadside in the midst of all the commotion, while the commotion was going on and I was screaming, and we were then waiting for the London's air ambulance to arrive, the peace of God just came over me. And I heard the voice of God saying, don't worry, everything will be okay. So at that point, I was really, really peaceful. Really peaceful.

And like I said, somehow I knew I didn't feel any pain. Funny enough, I can't explain it, but I didn't feel any pain. But I just knew that my legs had been injured.

I didn't even know if it was one leg or two legs, but I knew I had a leg injury. And also maybe because when the normal ambulance arrived, they had put some. They had covered the leg.

So by the time I managed to see anything, the leg was covered. They just put a cloth, you know, like a cloth over it. So I guess they were hiding something. They didn't want me to see something. Yeah.

So by the time the doctor broke the news to me, I had so much peace from God that it was almost like I took everything in. It wasn't like when he said it, I was like, you must be joking. You've got it wrong.

I knew exactly what he said, and I just immediately just thought, okay, this is what's happened, you know? And in my mind, I'm probably processing the fact that it could have been worse.

So it was almost like he said it, but I was so drowsy that I knew exactly what he said. I fell asleep immediately he said it, but I knew that I had accepted that this is what had happened, and I was at peace about it.

MaryLayo: 00:08:07

I mean, wow, that's really interesting. Can I ask about, in terms of your relationship with God, do you normally hear from him and get a sense of.

I don't know, like, peace when you need that sense of peace.

I'm just trying to understand if that was an unusual kind of experience for you because of your relationship or the type of way that you engage with God. That was part and parcel of what you're used to.

Ronke Joseph: 00:08:38

Yeah, I would say it was not an unusual way of me hearing from God. I'll be honest with you. I would mainly, if I'm going, when I hear from God, it would be mainly through his word.

So I'd be worshiping, reading the word, and something will jump out at me, and it would just really settle in me, and I would feel so much peace around a particular scripture. Yeah. So that's normally how I would hear from God. And one of the ways he does lead me is by his peace, I'll be honest with you.

So I sort of know when his peace is leading me. And that was one of the days that. So it wasn't an unusual thing, you know, for me to be led by his peace.

MaryLayo: 00:09:24

Okay. So then back to when the doctor broke the news to you, because that's a. That's big news. So how was that?

I guess acceptance, that processing of, you know, that kind of information.

Ronke Joseph: 00:09:39

Yeah. Like I said, I must have been God anyway. It really must have been God. Because if anyone asked me before this happened, you know, if someone.

If a doctor told you they had amputated your legende, what would you. How would you react out of there being something like, oh, my life is over.

But the honest truth is, I know when you face traumatic situations, there are different stages you go through, and the first stage is denial. So it may have seemed like I was in denial rather than jumping straight to acceptance, but I know that.

I know that the peace I felt at the roadside just went with me, obviously, into the theater. And when I came out, when the doctor broke the news to me, so, like I said, I felt just peace.

And then when I had managed to see my family, so my brother came, my very good friend, and also someone from work I spoke to. You know, spoke to them, and there were tears. And then another one of my brothers came with his wife, and they were crying.

I'm like, why are you crying? You know, I. You know, thank God I'm alive. I could be dead. And then the following day was probably, you know, the test of whether.

What you really felt on day one, it was denial or acceptance. Because some. I don't know if you know about this, but usually if people go through something traumatic, the following day is usually the hardest.

It's usually. It hits the person on the following day. So the following day when I woke up, doctor came to see me and said, wow, Ronke, you're doing really well.

I was in what they call the high dependency unit, which is a step down from intensive care. It was like, oh, you're doing so well. We actually don't need to keep you here. We're going to move you to a normal ward. I'm like, okay.

So they moved me into this normal ward, put me in a side room. They didn't put me in the main, you know, in a ward with everybody. Put me in a side.

And I had time then to just be on my own, look at myself taking what's happened. And I sat there and all I could think of is how grateful I was to God because I then sort of was able to play back what happened, you know?

And then I'm just thinking, wow, God, thank you. I could be dead. My family could, I could be brain damaged. My family could be mourning me.

So I know that somehow God helped me to get from the day of the traumas almost immediately to acceptance. Don't get me wrong, there were times when the road was bumpy.

I don't want to create the impression that it was plain sailing throughout, but in terms of accepting what happened by God's grace alone, I was able to just get to the acceptance stage pretty quickly.

MaryLayo: 00:12:37

So I wanted to ask about, like, your, I don't know you very well, but from what you're saying, I'm wondering how, you know, like, how there's different personality types.

You've got someone who's optimistic, someone who's pessimistic, someone who's a realist, you know, how would you say that you are an optimist, generally speaking, anyway, and that's. And that's perhaps how you. What helped or not?

Ronke Joseph: 00:13:13

I I don't know.

I honestly, the reason why I say I don't know is because I know that in certain situations I can be an optimist, and in certain situations I can be a pessimist. That would be how I would say my flesh would react to certain things.

So in certain situations, it'd be like I'm hoping and, you know, wanting to see the best come out of a situation. And in certain situations, I'm having to remind myself of who I am in Christ. Or I could lean towards being pessimistic.

So I don't know if I think my obvious. I think a bit of my personality did come into it. I'm going to be honest, you know, it did come into it, but I know that there is.

It's just almost impossible for anyone to go through such trauma and immediately just be, oh, everything is fine. And honestly, honestly, it was, to me, everything is fine. I had no clue what would happen the next day. Would I still be in a job?

Would I be able to walk? Would I be able to live in the same house? All I knew was that everything would be fine.

MaryLayo: 00:14:21

So, yeah, so then what did your recovery process entail? What did that look like from, like, how long were you in the hospital? What were the different phases, especially the physical?

Ronke Joseph: 00:14:34

So I started off, like I said, in Royal London Hospital, a side ward. They kept me there for about four days, and then they moved me to a normal ward.

For some people, they would have thought I'd just rather be in a side ward where I don't have to interact with people. But when they told me they were moving me, I was actually really happy, because I just. Yeah, I felt I just wanted to be around people. Yeah.

So I didn't have a problem with that in terms of physical recovery. So I had to have a number of surgeries, because when they did the first surgery, it was just to amputate the leg and save my life.

That was first surgery.

Then they said to me, and they didn't tell me all this at once, they would just come to my bedside and say, oronke, you're going into surgery tomorrow. What for? So eventually, you know, they had to let me know. So the first surgery, like I said, was to save my life and to amputate the limb.

Then they had to shave off a bit more of the amputated limb. The second one, they said I had an infection, they had to clean out the infection. And every time they did this, I was going under general anesthetic.

Third one, I sort of lost count, but I know I had to. The major one was one when I had to do a skin graft.

So what they had to do do was to take skin from the complete leg and graft it into the amputated limb, because I lost a lot of skin as well. So in order to just make the stump as usable as possible, I had to have a skin graft. So they did that.

Then they had to do another one where they had to check whether the skin graft took, and they said, there's no way they can't do that under local anesthetic. I had to go under general. So I think I had six or seven surgeries, there were so many, I just don't remember what each one was for.

So once they did that, I think there was something they did before the skin graft, where they had to put this vacuum in my leg to get the wound to heal very quickly.

Then they did the skin graft, and then once they had done that, it was just a matter of waiting for the leg to heal, both the stump and the leg where they had taken skin from. And the funny thing is, the stump heals quicker than the one they took skin from for some reason. Yeah, they call it the donor leg.

So the donor leg was supposed to take ten days to heal. It didn't heal. I left hospital. I think it healed sometime in July, and it's supposed to take ten days.

And I, considering I was in hospital in January, so it took about seven months to heal for some reason. So once they had done the skin graft and sort of got me, you know, on track, they then tried to do a little bit of physio with me.

So one of the things they will teach you is how to transfer from the bed to a wheelchair, because by this time, you can't wear a prosthetic leg.

So they started doing wheelchair transfers, just bed exercises, how to move your leg, you know, because for a few days, about two weeks, I couldn't get out of the bed. I had to, you know, be physically in the bed.

Then once I had done that, it was really just a sort of waiting game for me to be ready to go into rehab. It was just me gaining strength, gaining weight, because I had lost so much weight.

And in the middle of all that, I also had a terrible reaction to one of my medications where I just ballooned. So I ballooned, my face swelled, my body swelled, and then once I came down, my skin started shedding. So it was just not a very nice time at all.

I was in hospital for six weeks. In the 6th week, they thought, okay, you're well enough to leave. And then they moved me into what's called rehab.

So I had to go into a rehabilitation center. In the rehab center, they basically teach you everything you need to know to live life with an amputated limb.

So one of the main things, obviously, will be how to walk with a prosthetic leg. But they also recognize that you're not always going to have the prosthetic leg on. So, for example, when you're sleeping, you don't have it on.

If you've got a saw, you won't have it on. So they teach you how to also sort of do things without it. Cooking in the kitchen without the leg on.

For example, going to the toilet at night without the leg on. That's another example. So it was six weeks. Sorry, seven weeks of full rehabilitation in quite a nice place.

It sort of gave the vibe of a holiday home. Holiday home in a hospital. I can't explain it.

Once that was done, they then send you home with a prosthetic limb, and they also then will attach you to a prosthetic center because obviously you still need. It's a far cry from where you were before the accident in terms of being able to walk and do things.

For example, I left rehab with two sticks with a prosthetic leg and two sticks, walking at 0, needing help with almost everything. So, yeah, that was my recovery period. So I left home in January, got home late April, almost. Yeah, about four months.

MaryLayo: 00:20:18

So that's, I guess, like, especially, like, the immediate, like the short term, like physical recovery. And you've spoken about your, like, mentally and emotionally, how you've coped. What were the kind of things that helped to strengthen that?

One of the reasons I'm asking is because I've seen how you put a notice in outside of your ward to say things like, I'm having some time out with, you know, I think you said something like, father and do not disturb. Something like that.

So, I mean, it'd be nice for you just to explain what helped you, what you found, if you found anything particularly challenging, like psychologically, in terms of your mental health, your well being, and what helped you along the way.

Ronke Joseph: 00:21:12

Okay, so I. Like I said, the losing of the leg I sort of was somehow okay with, but there were just certain bits of the journey that I found bumpy.

And it was things like, I lost my appetite. So I. For some, I think it was the medication they gave me. So I lost my appetite. I wasn't able to eat.

And then they would be saying, ronge, you need to eat. They're for trying. Almost trying to force feed me, you know? And I also think that maybe the medication was the thing making me nauseous.

It was either the trauma or the medication. So I would feel really nauseous all the time. And it was just like a really horrible feeling. I also found I did have an experience where I would be.

I would be asleep and I'd hear, like, an explosion in my sleep and an explosion enough to wake me up. So it wasn't like I would. I think, did I dream that I would just hear this explosion? And it was.

MaryLayo: 00:22:20

It effects from the medical.

Ronke Joseph: 00:22:23

No, it was a trauma. Yeah, it must have been the trauma. It must. It must have been my mind reliving because I didn't hear anything.

When the car hit me, my brain just cut things off. So it must have been what I didn't hear. So it started off like, really not too loud. But then there was a time when it was, like, really loud. It was.

The explosion was almost as if a bomb went off. So the following day, I spoke to a nurse and I just said, oh, this is what I'm experiencing. They said, oh, you probably need to see a psychologist.

And I'm thinking, but apart from that, I'm feeling pretty much okay. While I was awake, I didn't, you know, there was no issue. So the psychologist came to see me, asked me a few questions.

One of the things he asked me, he said, do you sit down and relive what happened? Like you relive, it's almost like you're living the experience again. I said, I don't.

He asked me so many questions and he said, look, I don't think you're suffering from PTSD or anything like that. I think it's just your body trying to readjust to what's happened. But there's really. I don't think you need counseling.

I don't think you need medication. The only medication they recommended was sleeping tablets. I'm thinking to myself, do I really want to take sleeping tablets?

So I took them for two nights and that was it. I thought, I'm not. I was on enough medication. I just said to them, don't give me this medication anymore. So those were a few things.

And like I said, physically, when I reacted to my medication and my skin started peeling, it was just really a horrible time because I was feeling so unwell. I was in pain. It was just horrible.

So that, I will say, took a toll on me mentally in that what I then found was that little things would, things that shouldn't make me, you know, shouldn't tip me over the edge to make me cry. I would be crying about them.

So, for example, the doctors had didn't come and change my dressings, and that just tipped me over the edge and I was in tears. And I remember one time I had bought a coat before the accident happened.

My friend gave me, she gave me a voucher of some sort to buy a coat as a Christmas present. So I bought the coat, but I hadn't paid for it because I wanted to be sure it was my size. So the coat arrived.

I think I tried it on, it was like, oh, it's my size. I'll pay for it. Before I could get around to paying for it, the accident happened because it happened early January.

So I was in hospital, and the last thing I'm thinking about is a payment. Everything is just 29 pounds. So the company calls me and says, oh, there's a payment due. And I explained to them, I said, look, I'm in hospital.

I've been in hospital since January. I'll make the payment when I can. Oh, no, no, no. We're going to have to put you on either.

They said they were going to put me on a payment plan or just something. I can't even remember what it was. But to me it was like, why do you have to go be so drastic? About 29 pounds?

If I could remember my card numbers, I would pay it. I don't have my cards here. And that just tipped me over the edge.

Something as little as that I could have just said to my husband when he came in the evening, could you make this payment for me? Do you see what I mean? It was just little things that tipped me over the edge.

But one of the things I tried to do was to maintain my sort of routine in terms of spending time with God. At the beginning, it was very, very difficult because I found that I couldn't concentrate on anything.

It was just maybe the medication, the trauma made me really tired. I would be reading a book, and I'd fall asleep. After I'd read a page, people would visit me. I wouldn't remember they visited.

So it was very hard to maintain, you know, that sort of constant communication with God. But one of the things, you know, because I know you're asking about things that helped me mentally. It was having family around me.

So I always had my husband or my brothers would visit every day. Then I also had friends who were, you know, it was like my room at a point that one of the medical staff said, ronke, are you a celebrity?

Why do you have so many people around you? You know, it'd be full of people, people from church.

And just knowing that there were people that I could call on if there was something I needed praying about, you know, that I knew they would take it seriously, they would take me seriously, and they would always be there for me. And then that note you saw on my. On my. On the curtain, this was when I was in rehab.

So by the time I got to rehab, I was, you know, feeling very, you know, well, full concentration. And I wanted to always, like, have my quiet time in the morning with God. Just wanted to spend time with God.

But then, because there were, you know, other people, it was a. There were two of us actually in the room, but we could pull our curtains, and then the nurses would come in and just open the curtains.

Oh, Ronke, I want to ask you this. And I'm like, come on. This is my sacred time. So what I used to. I just put a note on the outside of the curtain saying, have a con.

Having a conversation with my daddy. Please do not disturb. You know, and they found it funny, you know, funny as in they respected it.

They would come in and they'd whisper, they would tiptoe. But it was just a way of me still maintaining my time and my space with God.

MaryLayo: 00:28:23

And this might be a little bit personal, but I'll ask anyway. So what were the kind of conversations you had during that, you know, youre quiet times with God, especially immediately afterwards. Yeah.

After it happened, what were the kind of conversations you had? I mean, it's great. The very fact, one of the things you've said is that he spoke to you as soon as it happened, and he gave you that peace.

So I'm interested to know how did that, the conversational, that, yeah, that engagement.

Ronke Joseph: 00:29:01

Continue afterwards, to be honest, nothing changed. Yeah, nothing changed.

So it was because normally, the way I would normally, the way I would normally start, you know, my quiet time ago, we'd start with, you know, some worship, just thanking him for his goodness, for his mercy, for his kindness. It was that sort of thing. And then I would, you know, just bring my request, you know, whatever it is that I'm asking, bring those before him.

And I would read about, you know, like, go into. What was I reading at the time? Was it word for today? So I'd have my word for today devotional. Read a bit of that, read the Bible.

And if I felt like God was ministering anything to me, I would write it down. So from the passage I read, I would write it down, you know, and it was so it was more. It. It was just pretty much the same. Nothing really changed.

Although the, like I said, the first few days of the accident, I was sort of in. In survival mode. That's the word I'm looking for. I was in survival mode. My body was just hanging on, you know?

So in terms of having a quiet time, it was not like a normal. It would just be, thank you, father. Thank you, Lord. And I doze off, sort of thing. I'd read a book and it'd be, start reading and doze off.

And then obviously people were coming in and out of my room, so there was no sort of privacy between me and God. It was once I started feeling well that I went back to, you know, my normal routine. And I, like I said, nothing much changed. I never asked him why.

I never. I never. Yeah, I didn't.

MaryLayo: 00:30:54

So you mentioned earlier about work. What's the story in terms of your work? Whether they kept your role for you, whether you were able to go back. Yeah.

If there was any worries you had and how you dealt with that, especially financially, while you were in. While you were in the hospital.

Ronke Joseph: 00:31:19

Okay, so in terms of work, they were excellent. My. Yeah, the company I work for were honestly the best.

So the day it happened, they were the ones who actually found me because it was like, they were like, we have. We don't know what's happened to you.

MaryLayo: 00:31:39

Yeah. You haven't turned up.

Ronke Joseph: 00:31:40

I haven't turned. I had not turned up to work. So they initially did the normal emergency contact.

Got no response, then just couldn't, could not, you know, just leave it. Started searching in all the papers and found they were the ones who found that there had been an accident near work and directed my brother there.

A couple of days later, my manager came to see me, and then they got. Once they knew that I was okay enough to receive information, they got hr to contact me.

Just to put my mind at ease, to say, look, we understand what's happened. We're going to do our best to just make you feel as comfortable. Don't worry about your role and all of that.

They were really, really good in that respect. In terms of my role, they kept my role open. Just got someone to just fill in, you know, for a while.

In terms of pay, they had something in place where at least I could get paid full salary for some time. And then at a point, obviously, they had to go to, I think it was. I think it was half salary now I don't even remember.

But they also had things in place where I could get money here, money there. They made sure that I had no financial worries in terms of going back.

When I told them when I was coming back, they did everything to make sure that they made reasonable adjustments, things like, oh, we have to make sure your desk is closest to the exit, closest to the toilet. Got me a wheelchair in case I need one at work, not that I was going to need one.

Got me a trolley for my tea so that I don't have to sort of have a walking stick and a teacup. Just everything I needed and they did a phase return to work. So I was, I didn't have to come back to five days a week.

And even once I had done my phase return, I then said to them, I don't know if I'm coping with five days. I want to permanently go to four days. They were happy with it. So, yeah, I was very, very blessed to have a work. Yeah.

MaryLayo: 00:33:59

And can I ask about people's reaction? Like, how can I put this? Like, what have you noticed?

Has any, have you noticed anything that's really bugged you or since the accident, since you, you know, the amputation, has anything really bugged you about people's reaction? Have you, and how have you overcome that?

Ronke Joseph: 00:34:26

So I'm just thinking of if anyone's, maybe you, you might get the odd one or two statements, you know, to start off with in terms of if anyone saw me, they wouldn't know that I had, you know, I was wearing a prosthetic leg. One they just say, maybe I stubbed my toe because I do limp. And sometimes I will walk with a stick if I'm going outside for.

Just for more, for confidence. I walk with a stick. I don't have to. And also, the sort of prosthetic leg I have is covered.

It has a cover, like, skin cover, so it looks just like my other leg. So although I should say I have another leg, which is a sports leg, which is, you know, looks like a proper prosthetic leg and so on.

And sometimes I will opt to wear that in the summer. So in the summer I will wear that. And I wear it in such a way that it shows.

So I'm not going to wear it and then cover it because it's got a nice, funky cover. So, you know, I wear it, you know, for it to show. So again, I'm pretty much comfortable with going out with the prosthetic legs showing.

So in terms of reactions, maybe I've had. So, for example, I went into a shop one day and I was wearing the leg that showed it was a prosthetic leg. Had my trainers and everything.

And some woman in the shop, she's walking through the shop, and from the way she was talking, I knew there was something wrong with her, you know, and then she walks through the shop and loudly at the top of her voice, what happened to you? Have you got athlete's foot?

I thought to myself, oh, you know, fortunately, like I said, I'm pretty comfortable with the situation, and I think everyone rolled their eyes.

For me, it was almost as if, come on, you know, and then I've had things like, you go to a place and someone says, oh, everybody, thank God that you have two legs. And in my mind, I'm thinking, come on. The Bible says, let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

The criteria for praising God is that you can actually are alive to do so. So it's things like that. But I've never had anyone be cruel. I've not had that.

If anyone knows, as soon as people see the leg, the tendency is for them to be kinder or just to treat you normally, you know, which is what I would prefer. Just treat me normal because I'm wearing a prosthetic leg doesn't. You know, it doesn't make me less of a person.

But, no, I haven't had anything really bad, you know, I mean, I remember once in the hospital, though, although I think this woman again, she was a bit loopy. She. This was when I was. It just happened. And she said to me, Ronke, is that man in the next ward your brother?

I was thinking, who is she talking about? And I'm thinking, I said, I have no idea who you're talking about. She said, oh, is the black man in the other ward? He's got one leg like you.

I just started laughing. The reason I started laughing is because I knew she was loopy anyway.

She was one of those women that would wake us up in the middle of the night saying she saw a monster under the bed. And now, you know what? So I just knew, you know? But other than that, no, I haven't really had any. Cruel. Cruel?

MaryLayo: 00:37:54

Yeah. Okay. And what would you say? What would you say that you've. Or have you even learned anything about yourself?

You know, is there anything that you would say? You know, what? This. I didn't realize I was like this. And now I, you know, I feel like, or I see myself differently, you know?

Is there anything that you've learned about yourself because of this experience, this journey?

Ronke Joseph: 00:38:24

I guess, like I said, if someone had asked me before the journey, what would have happened if you lost a leg? I would have said, ah, my life is over. So I probably realized that for everyone who has Christ, there is actually more in you than you realize.

There's actually a well that is in you that you can tap into.

So I would say that's one thing I've learned about myself that I have a strength in me that I didn't realize was then I thank God that Christ is placed that strength in me. Funny enough, I discovered some talents. I actually didn't know I was a writer.

I didn't actually know, but when I wrote my book, I realized that, yeah, I actually do have something in there when it comes to writing. Also, during the journey, I learned to play the guitar, which was, you know, long story, but I learned to play the guitar.

I have a bit of a flair for music, but I didn't know that, you know, like, a musical instrument would be something that I would. Yeah, I would.

MaryLayo: 00:39:33

And is that because you had time on your hands to explore that?

Ronke Joseph: 00:39:38

Yeah, the lady, there was a lady who used to give me a lift to church because I couldn't drive at the time, and she used to teach people to play guitar, and I always knew she taught, and I was like, I'm not interested. But she then says, oh, ronke, would you like to learn to play guitar? And I thought, oh, I'm sitting in your car. I can't really say no, can I?

So I said yes. And I'm thinking, why did I say yes? And I learned, and I love it, you know?

But, yeah, I would say in me as a person, the main thing I learned is that there's more strength than I actually thought.

MaryLayo: 00:40:13

Sure.

And then I want to ask you, like, the kind, what advice would you give if someone is going through a similar, I would say, challenge, so, especially if it's through, like, an accident and there's now. They've now encountered, like, a life changing injury. Yeah. What would you. What would you say to them, given what you've gone through?

Ronke Joseph: 00:40:41

Yeah, what would I say to anyone who's gone through a life changing injury? I'd start by saying, be kind to yourself, because what a lot of people do is compare people to others.

That has happened with me a lot, where some people say, can't you see how Ronke took her injury? Can't you be like that? And I'm. No, no, no, you don't do that. So I would say, be kind to yourself.

Don't assume that because one person went through trauma and took it this way, you have to be that way. You have to be honest with yourself and realize that there are various stages that people go through in traumatic situations.

But always see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Never stop at your injury. Never stop at what you are going through. But see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I would say also, especially for people who have gone through a physical change, I use myself as an example. I lost a leg. And you can begin to see yourself as different or as less valuable. The example I always give is of something like a 20 pound note.

If I squeeze up a 20 pound note and really crumple it and do whatever, if I took that 20 pound note to McDonald's, it will still buy exactly the same thing that it used to buy.

So I would say to a person going through trauma, never assume that you are any less valuable to humanity and to God because of the trauma you've gone through. Another thing I will say as well is, no man is an island. As you know, don't walk alone.

One of the things that I did or I had to come to realize when, especially when I got home after the whole situation, I had to realize that there is help out there. So, for example, the NHS can continue to give you help. There are friends that will help you, there are relatives that will help you.

Take all the help that you need, but don't fully rely on people. You know, get yourself into a routine where you can do things on your own. Whatever you can do, do.

And wherever you need help, call on that help, because it's easy. When you're in hospital, almost everything is done for you, in all honesty, you know, so you're used to having that help you get home.

The help is almost immediately withdrawn, and it's nice to be able to stand on your own. So whatever you find you can do, do, and wherever you need to lean on other people's help, do that.

And I will say, I know it sounds strange when I say enjoy the ride, but honestly, honestly, there are bits of the journey that you can enjoy. Enjoy it, because God will use you as a source of inspiration for someone else.

MaryLayo: 00:43:55

Brilliant. And I love how we've ended with you demonstrating how God can use you.

So thank you for allowing yourself to be used and for giving such really practical, wise, wise advice based on your own experience. Thank you so much. Ronke.

Here's a spiritual wellness tip for you. Meditate on Psalm 46 verses, one to three, which reads, God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear.

Though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah. Thanks for listening. Do follow and join me again next time on Beyond the smile with MaryLayo.